RaNTiNGS oF ReVeReND GReBO

DePReSSioN

2011-06-05T23:07:00.006+10:00

DePReSSioN
i never understood depression, until i was diagnosed with it.
i was on anti-depressants for 2 months, i stopped taking them just over a week ago. I went cold turkey, which you arent supposed to do, but all it seemed to do was make my dreams insane for a few days. which i quite liked.
i also took them because i have a problem with my brain and headaches 24/7 and the doc said it may help speed up my synapses to get them back to normal and lessen my headaches
at first the antidepressants where okay, but gradually i realized that they werent helping, just masking my emotions. i could feel them bubbling underneath trying to surface but couldnt, which annoyed me more than the fucked up emotions i had before taking them. i put on some weight, but that could just be winter, being stuck inside & having a fucked knee that hurts all the time
now im living without them the emotions are coming on strong. its hard to keep them hidden but 12 years of hell at school has taught me how to do that. im seeing a psychologist and dealing with it without the cotton wool brain of anti-depressants.
for some people they work, for me they dont
its going to be a rough ride getting back to some sort of normality but im up for it and fuck anyone who tries to bring me down

FRuSTRaTioN

2011-02-23T00:47:00.004+11:00

I used to be a 50/50 switch, until one day it all changed. Someone I know, an old friend, trusted me, and I became a 90/10 top. And from that day forth I crave for more and its really frustrating.
I can deal with lack of sex, I've been dealing with that on and off for years, I'm shy so it come with the territory. This is different, its like making art.
When I was using various implements and my hands on her it was like I was painting on canvas. It was a canvas made of flesh, a canvas that moved & reacted to my touch but was temporary. Nothing existed outside of her, my focus narrowed sometimes to a tiny point on her, but still sensing the rest of her, the living canvas. My unconscious mind had taken over and the brain was just there to keep the instruments going where I wanted them to. When I finished it was like I had run a marathon, it was like adrenaline without the harsh comedown.
Even my close friends don't get it. I tried to explain it to friend but from the look on his face I know he didn't get it. Its so hard to try and explain it to others. Its not about sex, its about the living canvas that is the human body. Its like a drug that I tried once and now I cant find a new supplier.
I have been told I have a reputation, which in actuality is totally fictional, if only you knew the truth you'd be shocked and probably bored. But that means its hard for someone to trust me because of my fictional reputation. I understand that trust is something not given freely and when it is given it is sacred and you must never betray it, because it is almost impossible to regain. I also need to trust the person I'm doing it to, it has to be mutual. I've looked into various nightclubs, social groups and websites for this sort of stuff but it feels weird. But it just doesn't feel right, not sure why, various reasons but not stuff I can definitely say its this or its that, it just doesn't feel quite right for me.
I've learnt to live with my cravings, always hoping for my fix, until then I'll be thinking of the canvas that is the human body and my next piece of art.

FaP FRee FeB & STuFF

2011-02-10T21:22:00.003+11:00

FapFreeFeb
I have given up masturbation for the month of February.
You may ask why and to tell the truth I don't really know why.
I've done it before, I lasted around 4-5 months, then 1 night I got drunk and gave up. This time its a set time period. I might keep on going or just give up at the end of the month, we will see at the end of the month.
This isn't some weird religious purity test, far from it. If anyone offers me sex I will happily take them up on the offer but with my recent luck in regards to women I doubt that will happen. I am allowing myself to read books on erotic fiction, books on erotic photography and even a how-to book on erotic knife play.
To tell you the truth, its not that hard to do, no pun intended. When I finally go to bed at night I'm usually so knackered I cant be bothered and in the morning I'm like a zombie. The days that are the hardest (there's that pun again) are the weekend, when I can actually attempt to sleep in. most of the time I get woken up by the factory next door, so I'm drifting in and out of sleep from 8am until I get up some time around 10-11am. The half-asleep time is when my mind wanders and strays to things naughty and hands wander.
A good friend asked why I'd give up something that's not bad for you. I've thought of reasons why I'm doing it, is it masochistic tendencies, a self protest against my mind numbing singleness, something like a body modification but for the mind, or to just prove to people that despite being a foul mouthed, dirty minded sex obsessive I have more self control over my own body and mind than them. It could be all of those reasons and more or it could just be that I'm bored with my life.
I'm on day 10 now, 2nd and 3rd day where bad, but I resisted, but I must remember to not read books on erotic photography before bed.
Maybe next month I'll do something more normal like giving up something that's bad for me. 18 days to go, around 2 ½ weeks. In all seriousness, I think its gunna be easy but I'm still not sure why I'm doing it.

:QuoTeS:
“The only unnatural sex is that which you cannot perform” - Alfred Kinsey
“Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing” - Charles Bukowski
“Sex is 1 of the 9 reasons for reincarnation... The other 8 are unimportant” - Henry Miller
“When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Don't have sex with the authorities” - Matt Groening

QuoTeS from iDioTS
"...the institution of hetrosexuality is a die-hard custom through which male-supremacist institutions insure their own perpetuity and control over us. women are kept, maintained and contained through terror, violence, and the spray of semen." - Cheryl Clarke

"In the male system, sex is the penis, the penis is sexual power, its use in fucking is manhood" Andrea Dworkin

2010-08-05T22:20:00.001+10:00

new blog stuff very soon
i hope i can keep it going this time

2010-03-29T02:26:00.005+11:00

10 THiNGS You MaY oR May NoT KNoW aBouT Me
1 - i am the 7th kid in a family of 9 kids, which for trekkie fans makes me Seven-Of-Nine, sorry my boobs aren't big enough
2 - i decided many years ago during my teens to never have kids, i still dont want them even though my friends and family say im amazing with their kids. maybe thats because i know i can give them back when they poop
3 - i have been ordained on the internet twice, 1st time as Reverend Grebo with the universal life church, and the 2nd time more recently as a Dudeist priest with the church of the dude (big lebowski based religion)
4 - i have 2 uncles who are priests, 1 is a monk who lectures in theology and the other is a christian brother
5 - ive never taken a drug harder than grass, most of that was passive smoking by sharing a house with stoners, but the 3 times ive had cookies i chucked up. i can see why people like it but i prefer booze
6 - from many years working in porno shops i have pretty good gaydar, once you know what you are seeing your world view becomes very different
7 - ever since i was a kid i was obsessed with fortean phenomena, stuff like yeti's, rain of fish, ufo's, dinosaur sightings and alien big cats. i even know someone who's seen a big cat on his country property
8 - both my parents died of heart attacks before i was 30
9 - I've done a few minor art exhibitions with other people years ago, mostly my screen prints and paintings
10 - i drink vodka to get drunk but tequila to celebrate

RaNDoM STuFF
"When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows" : frederick ryder
"If sex is such a natural phenomenon how come there are so many books on how to do it?" : bette midler
"a woman's appetite is twice that of a man's, her sexual desire, four times, her intelligence, eight times" : sanskrit proverb
"sex is a wonderful thing between 2 people, provided that you love to be between 2 people" : amanda keller
"i am 60 years old and they say you never get too old to enjoy sex. i know because i asked my grandma whe you stop liking it and she was 80. she said 'child, you'll have to ask someone older than me'" : carol tavris

salirophilia - arousal from tasting salty bodily fluids
melissophilia - bees & bee stings
hybristophilia - a criminal as a sexual partner
endytophilia - remaining dressed while lovemaking

BLoG, BLue, CoMiCS, BReeDeRS & CLiTS

2010-03-14T23:02:00.004+11:00

BLoG
I am back to my blog, not sure why i bother, I dont think anyones reading it, but its a release for stuff thats stuck in my head, so Im gunna try and keep it up

BLue
I went out last night, had a few drinks, had a little bit of dance, hung out with friends, it was fun.
But as usual the next day I feel mentally shit, lack of sleep brings on the headaches and my mood turns to shit. I feel depressed and extremely emotional. Its been like this for a few years, i cant go out without a massive come down the next day, its like being on drugs without the drugs. Having a headache 24/7 sucks. I spent the day reading graphic novels and napping. Blargh!

CoMiCS
2 of my local libraries have a massive collection of graphic novels. I have been borrowing heaps of them, averaging 6 a week. If its a super hero one I can usually finish it in 24 hours, others take longer. Wen i get my shit together I'll review some here

BReeDeRS
A close friend who was anti-baby just had a baby, seeing her and her boyfriend with the baby makes me smile and I can see changes in her. Its cool noticing how she went from someone who freaked out around babies to someone who is so motherly. I have also started to notice how many MILFs are out there. I still dont want kids of my own, but I dont mind if they already have a kid.
People get confused, I am totally comfortable with babies & kids, but i dont want my own. Its a personal thing, i have done a bit of self examination of why i dont want kids, its a mix of things which i cant be fucked posting on a blog

CLiToRiS
I am astounded by so many women who say guys have no idea where the clitoris is. WTF! Its pretty simple, find the wet spot you like so much and go upwards a little, if you get to the pubic hair go back down a little. How fucking hard is it.
I have so many books on sex maybe i should study them all and do my own book. Grebo's advice for the sexually stupid

WeiRD FaCTS

2010-03-02T23:10:00.004+11:00

CaLeNDaR
I like desk calendars, pulling off a page everyday helps indicate the days passing by more than a monthly one on the wall, I like to look get strange ones and usually from the cheapo calendar shops that pop up around early to mid December. They reduce them to half price or less almost straight after the new year. a few years ago I got one with quotes by the comedian George Carlin, the last couple of years I got boring plain office one, but this year I got one full of poo facts.

from my 2010 desk calendar
PReSiDeNTS Poo
While (now ex-)president george w bush was on a trip to Vienna the white house flew in a special presidential crapper so that his poo could be collected and disposed of in a secure manner. Its to prevent foreign intelligence agencies from collecting information about his health. Government agencies such as the CIA or MOSSAD have used this approach to gain valuable information on the health of world leaders.

FooD & JoHN WaTeRs

2010-02-28T23:04:00.003+11:00

FooD
last weekend i had a vegie stirfry, it was quite nice, i put too much tabasco on it, but it was pretty good, thanks to my best friend, a sexy vegan mum and her partner. ive avoided certain vegies too long, its nice to rediscover stuff ive avoided since i was a kid. tonight i mixed some carrots, peas and capsicums into my mashed potatoes. its a long road to improving my diet but as always its never as bad as you think its gunna be just before you do it.

JoHN WaTeRs
i went to see John Waters last night. it was great, he was hilarious.
weird thing was i cant remember having a headache during it, laughing so much i cleared my mind of pain, looks like im gunna have to go to a heap of comedy festival shows this year

NeW oLD FooD & WaVeS oF WHaTNoT

2010-02-21T00:57:00.004+11:00

Me & MY STuPiD FooD HaBiTS
Lately I've been trying to change my food habits of a life time to a healthier alternative. i was visiting a vegan friend and when i was at the supermarket i got one of those fruit cup thingys. when i got back to her place i tried everything, even the stuff I've avoided cos i didn't like it years ago.
here is a report:
watermelon - doesn't really taste of anything, its like a weak slurpee made by nature, not impressed but not repulsed
kiwi fruit - average, not bad, not good, edible
strawberries - they are the sex, i could nom them lots
pineapple - still reminds of hay fever medication i had as a kid, will avoid unless starving
grapefruit - crap, didn't like
grapes - meh
i cant remember what else i ate, it must've been very forgettable
tomorrow im visiting the vegan friend for some veggie stir fry, another taste test result soon

MooD SWiNGS
Having a headache 24/7 does wonders for your moods, usually by the end of the working week I'm an emotional wreck. thank fuck for years of boys school bullying, i know how to hide it well. it comes in waves, i don't know when it will hit but its like a surge of sad. its been going on for while, I've seen a psych about it, didn't help much. i just wish the headaches would stop, sometimes its like a sudden nail in the head.

LiFe, DoNT TaLK To Me aBouT LiFe

2010-02-17T22:54:00.002+11:00

okay here's quick update

BaBY
i have been visiting my friend with the new baby every couple of weeks, the time with bubs chills me out (even when it cries, weird) and the time with a non-baby person probably help the mum and dad to retain sanity. it weird me out still that she has had a kid, but i look forward to my time around there so much
PHoBia'S
i have been trying to come to terms with my food phobia, my diet is pretty limited, people i have lived with joke about it. its scary but i am desperate to improve my diet and expand my epicurean horizons.
i ate some chocolate toffuti ice cream a couple of weeks back, it tasted just like the real thing, i doubt id buy it but its good to know it doesn't taste like shit and i can eat it if its on offer. i am also trying not to expand my junk food tastes, i never really liked pizza and I'm not gunna try it again cos i don't want another junk food to add to my shit food list.
i have an eating disorder, but its not a trendy one like bulimia, anorexia or obesity
GRaPHiC NoVeLS
I've been borrowing a lot of them from the local library lately and reading around 6 or 7 a week, i might review them here.
MoViNG HouSe
i moved out of stkilda and I'm now living in brunswick with a new housemate, its nice to be away from the cockheads that inhabit stkilda in summer, but I'm gunna miss winter walks on the beach. I'm sure there's a bunch of stuff to do in brunswick i haven't found yet
HeaDaCHeS
still there, still annoying, still never ending, still fucking up my moods
i wish it would go away

BaCK aGaiN

2010-02-15T23:47:00.002+11:00

back again, but for how long?

no one reads this blog so doesnt really matter what i write here
will try and write some more this week

Babies

2009-09-28T22:33:00.002+10:00

Babies
my friend has had the baby
I am so thrilled and so want to see the little guy and say hello, but ill have to wait til the new family gets settled back at home. his dad sounds over the moon and a little delirious from weird sleep times and excitement, he was already such a hyper happy guy its funny to see it go into overdrive.

Births & Deaths & Other Stuff

2009-09-07T16:42:00.003+10:00

Birth
In a couple of weeks my best friend is having a baby.
For the many years we have known each other we both agreed that we didn't want kids, she was the sort of person who freaked out when handed a kid/baby to hold, im the opposite, i love that sort of stuff. I've got 14 nephews and nieces (catholic family). I love acting like an idiot with the little ones, making stupid faces, playing kids games and I have the fortunate ability to be able to calm down most babies enough to fall asleep in my arms (most of the time).
Ive learnt more about pregnancy from her than with my many relatives. I even saw it move, which was possibly the weirdest thing ive ever seen in my life.
Its strange, I have lost a fellow non-breeder, but Im also thrilled shes having a baby.

Death
A few month ago my older brother died, it was sudden and unexpected. He died of a heart attack at 49. In a family of 9 kids he was number 3, so i cant imagine the paranoia of the 2 older than him. Any chest pain I get automatically sets me off into heart attack paranoia. He was with the CFA, so he had a guard of honour as the hearse left the church and when it arrived at the cemetary, which was cool. i was a pallbearer, I cried lots. I cried more than when my parents died, I even did the collapse in the shower sobbing thing. It was all very fucked and strange.
A day after the funeral I had the flu, probably caught it at the funeral. I ended up taking a week off work. I couldnt eat more than a mouthful or 2 of food every couple of hours. I wasnt fully okay for around 3 weeks. I call it the month of hell.

Other Stuff
I had another MRI a few months ago, getting the results next week. Itll probably be the same old shit, "we dont know what it is, try this medication" and the medication will fuck me up somehow and ill stop taking it after a couple of weeks, and then 6 months later another MRI and the cycle repeats.....

SoMe oF MY aRT

2009-08-19T00:55:00.003+10:00

http://reverendgrebo.deviantart.com/

2009-08-12T23:24:00.001+10:00

IM BACK.
more soon.................

BaCK To BLoGGiNG

2009-04-19T22:28:00.003+10:00

heres whats been happening
i had laryngitus and it made my hangover headaches into punch in the head every time i coughed
it sucked

HaVeNT BeeN BLoGGiN' FoR WHiLe

2009-02-04T21:02:00.003+11:00

whats been happening?
my health sucks, my brain sucks like a black hole
i recently went back to the hospital for yet another MRI, i got results months later, it turns out i have 2 new patches of white matter density changes.
my headaches had been getting worse, and now they (finally) think the brain problems are the reason for the headaches.
i recently had a lumbar puncture (spinal tap), the 1st attempt they fucked it up and hit a nerve a coupla times, that wasnt fun, so i had to come back the next day and get it done with the help of an xray, that was easy
i also got to see a small vial of my spinal fluid, its clear like water
the next 4 hours of laying on my back to prevent post puncture migraines sucked. i had a book and a magazine and still got bored, i counted the squares on the light above me, there was 666, it was satans light.
there was a guy in the oppsite bed who had prostate problems, pissing every 20 minutes for 3 hours, then he had a catheter, wasnt a nice thing to hear, especially when you need to piss
i had to give another few vials of blood a week or 2 later
now i gotta go back and get a spinal MRI (next week) and finally a week after that i get the results.
as usual itll probably be "we dont know"

more updates soon
G

MY aNNoYiNG BRaiN

2008-10-10T10:37:00.004+11:00

Recently i was diagnosed with a mental illness, its not something as hardcore as bi-polar/schizophrenia so I don't have to take medication (thank fuck), but it's frustrating and annoying. I'm getting treatment and its under control.
My emotions seem to be out of whack. The thing that kicked it off was I was watching a funny film and I felt like crying, it was weird enough that I decided to go to the doctor. I've had emotional freak outs before, but I can usually pin point what caused it, this time nothing obvious set it off. I'm seeing a psychologist, and also meditating when I get a chance, cos it helps me calm down. The doc suggested medication but I wanna avoid that stuff. My emotions feel a bit raw and sensitive, everything seems to set me off.
When I describe it to female friends they say it sounds like PMS, that made me laugh.
I used to get frustrated with people with mental illness, I didn't understand it, I learnt some stuff from my flatmate who works with intellectual disabled people which helped. Now im one of them.
It can happen to anyone, it can happen without warning and it can happen to someone you know

iM MoRe.....

2008-08-21T23:39:00.004+10:00

one thing i hate about hanging out with anarchists is the occasional "im more working class than you" conversation. usually contains what school you went to, how bad it was, what suburb you lived in, blah blah blah

buncha elitist wankers

DoGS

2008-08-17T23:09:00.003+10:00

I met up with a friend and her dog today, the dogs a deaf blue healer.
It was the most relaxing, fun exercise ive had in ages. We hung out for an hour and a half and threw the ball around for the dog.
When i was a kid i was shit scared of dogs, even now i freak out around them. But when im with her and her dog i am so relaxed, other dogs can run up to me and i dont freak out in any way. its so cool.
thanks Ms. L

aRouSeD

2008-08-17T02:18:00.003+10:00

tonight i went to a friends burpday at a bar, i hung out and chatted, drank and the usual stuff you do. i met a few cool people, there was one woman there i had a 5 minute reproductive rights conversation with, instead of the usual drunken small talk. it was great, i like having conversations like that after a few drinks, it forces my brain to think. ive forgotten her name already (as usual) but i wont forget her in a hurry.
to the woman who aroused my mind, if you ever read this, thanks, you rock!

aNoTHeR WeiRD DReaM

2008-08-15T22:43:00.003+10:00

what the fuck is up with my dreams
last night i had a dream i stripped off and was running around naked in the back streets of fitzroy, then i was asking people who lived in houses, with no back fences and no back walls, if they had any spare clothes i could use, for some reason i knew they were all lesbians who didnt want to see my dick, they gave me a tshirt

if i eat late i have weird dreams, i like weird dreams

BReeDeR DReaMS

2008-08-13T23:09:00.003+10:00

Last night i had another baby dream, this time a woman had given birth to 5 or 6 of my babies, they were genetically advanced hyper-babies, only a day old and they could already talk normally.
It was very freaky
Why am I having these dreams of babies?

HeaDaCHe

2008-08-11T23:04:00.002+10:00

my headaches never fucking end, imagine if you had a hangover that lasted more than 3 years

DiSTuRBiNG DReaM

2008-08-11T17:08:00.003+10:00

i like nightmares but sometimes i have dream that isnt scary but still freaks me out. i had a disturbing dream a few days ago
i was in a car with my dad (dead) and my brother (i think) and the car ended up driving into the yarra, as it sank i thought/said to wait till it hit the bottom and we could swim out. the water was crystal clear. it hit the bottom but then we started driving around under water. next thing i was walking around under water. i had trouble breathing, i then thought i must be dreaming walking around cos i was dying. i asked someone who looked like my sister if i was dreaming walking around because i was actually drowning.
she told me i wasnt going to die, (heres the scarey part) i was going to die 2 weeks after my 2nd child was born. then i woke up.
even though im hetor im a not a breeder, so im not sure what scared me the most, the death prediction or the idea that i was going to have 2 kids

SMeLL

2008-08-09T22:52:00.002+10:00

i think i have a heightened sense of smell, i can smell things that i dont want to. i can smell the computers burning at my work. i can smell cum (unfortunate picked it up fromworking in a porn shop on and off for 10 years) i can even sometimes can smell if a womans got her period, or just had sex. its just annoying

aDVeRTiSiNG

2008-08-03T22:30:00.004+10:00

I've seen a few ads on tv that tweak my brain
1 is a footy player telling kids to not be couch potatoes and go outside and play sport. but hes standing in the park wearing a suit. the guy look so uncomfortable in the suit and looks weird playing with his tie and top button done up. they should've just had him in his footy clothes, what kid listens to a guy in a suit.
another ad is for fernwood women's gyms. Its got a woman waiting to use a exercise bike, a fat sweaty guy gets off the bike she is going to use, and leaves a seat covered in arse sweat, pretty gross. It then shows a fernwood gym, with a personal trainer and its all nice a clean. what a crock, fat people are everywhere, i think that fernwood gyms would probably have more fatties than a normal gym because the larger women would go there cos of their body issues.

THaNKS MsK

2008-08-03T22:21:00.004+10:00

I drank too much on my birthday
I have to thank MsK for looking after me, you're a good friend

BLoWS & GLaSSeS & NiCe VieW

2008-07-19T23:20:00.003+10:00

THaR SHe BLoWS
Last night i broke my fast, twice during the week i stopped myself from going to far but i was tired, too horny and couldnt sleep, i gave in and did it, it was a gusher, lots of icky sticky

NeW GLaSSeS
Ive got new glasses, theyre pissing me off. Theyre bi-focals and i cant seem to get the reading part at the bottom to focus on what im doing. Theyre supposed to take a few weeks to get used to. Yet another annoying part of getting old

nice view

WeeK 1

2008-07-15T22:55:00.003+10:00

WeeK 1

No semen will leave my body unless its taken from me by another person or if it decides to leave while I'm asleep
Its been a week and half since I decided not to wank or have sex. Being single its easy to give up sex, especially with a face like mine. But the wanking bits harder than I thought, during the days easy, I'm at work. its the mornings that's a problem, the old wake up with a stiffy situation and when your half asleep you do stuff without thinking. i have resisted.
2 weird things happened since i decide to stop. in the 1st week i had a dream about someone i hadn't seen for over 10 years, telling me she was gagging for a root, i woke up confused and a little horny. then a few days later i woke up with a raging horn that wouldn't go down, i was tempted but eventually fell back to sleep.
you are probably wondering why I'm doing this. Ive done it before, i lasted almost 3 months. This time I'm doing it for a few different reasons but mainly I'm doing it just because i can.

BaBY iNFo

2008-06-23T18:55:00.002+10:00

BaBY iNFo aBouT Me

MtWaverley infant welfare centre booklet
Weight at birth- 8.8½
Head – Chest – Abdomen – Length
1st visit – 16 – 15 – 13 6/8 – 23
3 months – 16 6/8 – 15 – 14 7/8 – 24 7/8
6 months – 18 4/8 – 17 – 15 4/8 – 27 6/8
Infection Diseases
Chicken Pox – 16 months
Mumps – 3 years 5 months
German Measles – 5 years
Immunized during 1st year, polio, triple antigen & measles

FuTuRe & YouTH & RooTiNG & WiNTeR & PiSS & FeaR & CHiCKeN & SWeaTY & GaRDeNiNG & Do?

2008-06-23T18:52:00.002+10:00

MY FuTuRe SuX
Here is why the future sux
I have spent a large part of my life unemployed and not spending much time in jobs, but I've only been sacked from a 3 jobs, 2 from when I was in my early 20s and didn’t really care. I’ll never be able to afford to own a house, I've never earned big bucks in any job, my super will probably run out after I pay off the bond on my final retirement rental if the rental market keeps on rising. If the pension still exists I might be able to some better than some people cos of my experiences of living on the dole.
I've heard the pension will not exist when I retire, if that’s true I will use what little money I have to get to Canberra and start the pensioner tent embassy on the lawns of parliament house.

aNGRY YouTH
Lately all I hear in the media is the problems of youth, drinking, violence, etc, etc. If I had to live with no job security, a housing market out of my price range, ever increasing petrol and food prices, no ozone layer, a fucked environment, and no pension at the end of it all, I wouldn’t blame them for not giving a shit

RooTiNG RuiNeD
I was known as the park porker many years ago. No, I'm not a visitor of beats, it was an exaggeration of rooting the same girls in 2 different parks, one in the burbs somewhere (our 1st root) and the other at the back of the park in greville st behind a park bench (our last root).
Now with cameras popping up everywhere for out safety and lighting increased, where will the random public rooters go. It will be less random cos it’ll be harder to find a dark corner for a quickie. But I suppose when there’s a will there’s a way, just gotta keep one eye out so we don’t give the security guys a free show

WHY I LiKe WiNTeR
I like to walk in the fog, I like to walk in the winter sun, I like to walk down st.kilda pier and just stare out over the water while sitting on the rocks, absorbing the view and enjoying the peace. Its really nice during on weekday when most people are at work/school.

PeNGuiN PiSS
A few years ago I went for a walk down to the end of st kilda pier with a friend late one night. I needed to take a piss so walked over to the rocks at the end of it to relieve myself. When I was about to let it go a penguin squawked, so I moved to another spot, another squawk, it happened 4 times, I gave up and decided to wait till I got back the beach. I suppose I wouldn’t be too happy if someone was about to piss on my house, or maybe they just saw my worm and got hungry.

FeaR
I have a fear of deep water and of heights. Its not a total freak out cant move fear, just an adrenaline buzz fear. If I stood on the top of a really high wall that had really deep water below it, would I get a double adrenaline buzz?

CHiCKeN
My main meat source is chicken, a habit I picked up while traveling through the uk and ireland during the mad cow scare. I was wondering if you replaced cattle with an equal meat amount of chickens, not battery hens, free roaming chickens, how much space would it take up?

SWeaTY CoMeDiaN
I bought 4 videos from and op shop for $2 each, they’re all live performances of the uk comedian Lee Evans. He’s mega hyper and pretty funny. The most disturbing part of his performances is how sweaty he gets. He usually wears dark blue suits, and as the show goes on the patches of sweat get bigger and bigger, the back of his suit look like 2 angel wings, and eventually ends up dark blue from sweat, his arms and bum are soaked in sweat too. Once you notice it, its hard not to see. I would hate to see him after the show, I hope his dressing room has a shower, if he plays multiple shows he must own a few suits, his dry cleaning bill must be huge. Id hate to get anywhere near his luggage if he has to go straight from one gig in one town to another town, it would reek.

a GaLaXY oF GueRiLLa GaRDeNiNG
I recently heard about the guerrilla gardening method of seed bombing. Its where you make a ball of seeds, fertilizer and dirt and throw it into an area that’s hard to get to, if your lucky the seeds take root and eventually there’s flowers growing in a place that was barren.
I had the idea of mining an asteroid, then fill the empty shell with seeds, water and fertilizer. Chuck a few cameras, sensors and maybe some rockets to propel it. Then send it off on a journey to a planet that is capable of life but there is none, aim it toward a area most likely for the seed to survive, then smash it into the planet. The explosion would send up clouds of seeds, dirt, fertilizer and water into the atmosphere. If all goes well, by the time a ship with people on it gets to the planet there should be plant life.
Its also a good way to get rid of the excess of methane producing ozone depleting cow shit and if the ship taking it into orbit blows up it just means the nearby gardens would be nice that year

WHaT To Do?
What do you do if there’s a side of you that you’d like to let out more often, but when you do he sometimes goes too far? Is he the real me? It feels good when he’s in control. I like this me, he usually pops up when I’m tired, sometimes drunk, or both. Have I been holding back and should I let him loose, and how do I keep control? Should I even worry about keeping control, isn’t that the point of letting him out, to lose control.
I've been living for too long in fear, maybe it time for him to take the reigns for while cos, in the words of the butthole surfers, its better to regret something you have done that to regret something you haven’t done.

BRaSS MoNKieS oN THe BeaCH
A few years ago a friend came around out of the blue in the middle of the week, we had a bunch of booze and got bored. So we went for a wander down to st kilda beach at about 3-4 am (I’m not sure exact time). We went out onto the end of the small pier, the tide was out so the water wasn’t deep and we could see all the little fishes. She suddenly had a great idea, lets strip off, skinny dip back to shore and then streak back to our clothes. Sounds fun, in summer maybe, this was mid august, fucking cold. I thought about it but didn’t really want to do it.
Then I stepped in poo, human poo, some dirty fucker had taken a shit at the end of the pier. In a bad mood I walked back to the beach to wash off my shoe, but at the same time sort of relieved for an excuse not to freeze my nuts off.
Got back to shore, washed off my shoe and we kept walked down the beach some more. Then we got the urge again and we both stripped off to out underwear and went into the water. Holy fuck, it was cold, I got to just past my knees and couldn’t feel my toes, I was scared that if my nuts touched the water they’d disappear into my body and my penis would become something resembling a button. After that quick dip, we got out, put our clothes back on and walked a little bit further, then she decided to go in.
She stripped off to nothing and jumped in, I stood on the shore freezing, laughing and hoping she didn’t fuck up and id have to go in to save her. eventually she came out of the water, walked over to the open shower facilities beside the path. I minded her clothes as she showered off the sand. A guy on his bike went past (its around 5am) and did a double take, but thankfully kept on going. He’d have story to tell later that day.
Eventually we set off for my place, then the complaining started, I cant feel my toes, I’m cold, etc. I told her the 5 minute walk back to the flat would warm her up and get her circulation going. We got back to the flat, she had a hot shower, and we crashed out in my bed in a weird drunken state, sobered up by the cold, but re-drunked by the warmth of a shower and a bed.
It was fun. She lives with her boyfriend now.
I need more random stupid fun stuff like that.

aNDReW DiCe CLaY iS a DouCHeBaG

2008-06-09T15:34:00.003+10:00

i recently got a rodney dangerfield dvd collection, which was pretty cool even though most of it was 80s tv specials and him doing jokes before as an intro between other comedians.
andrew dice clay comes on, wearing the most ridiculous 80s belt, it looked like a mini-wrestling trophy belt, he does his usual sexist jokes and stuff, mildly amusing, but at the end he gets all twitchy and starts bitching about the "japanese" who own the corner shops, how they aint people and speak gibberish, then he ends his bit saying that there should be a sign at the airport that says if you dont speak the language get the fuck out. ive shown a few friends, they laugh at the earlier stuff but just sit there at the end in a sort of weird shock. i mean most people say that the shop owners are probably korean or vietnamese, not japanese, and he gets all twitchy just before he does his rant, he is a coked up racist 80s douchebag

BRaiN FuCKeD

2008-06-02T17:12:00.002+10:00

MY BRaiN iS FuCKeD

my memory is turning to shit, fucking dehydrated brain

SKooL & HoWaRD JoNeS & TaPeS & TV & QuoTeS & FaCTS & GoD & LoNeLY

2008-05-04T15:42:00.004+10:00

SKooL RePoRT
in grade 3 a teacher said this about my oral expression
"very good, inclined to go off the track"
if you know me, you may have giggle about that cos you know nothings changed

QuoTe BY HoWaRD JoNeS (80s pop star)
Sometimes id like to
Go to bed with a
Hundred women or men and
Lose my mind in
Lust and drink and to
Hit some people into feeling good

I found it on an old letter from a friend, I like it.

OLD TaPeS
I've recently been finding plastic drawer for holding audio tapes in. I've got heaps, I like to listen to them occasionally, especially the mix tapes I made for parties. Some tracks are shockers, but some are great. Eventually when I get a proper computer up and running ill try and download, illegally of course, some of the really cool stuff that I taped off the radio or lost the records I taped them from. But even then ill probably do the hoarder thing and stick the tapes in boxes, eventually to be confuse my nephews and nieces and then thrown out or sold to a museum when I die.

MoNDaY NiGHT TV
I've been getting into the Monday night sbs shows. I got into Skins straight away, sorta caught bits and pieces of Sinchronicity and towards the end liked it a lot, and got into the later series of Shameless. Good escapism, bloody funny and strangely captivating

QuoTeS
“When a woman becomes a scholar there is usually something wrong with her sexual organs”
Nietzsche

“Christ cannot possibly have been a jew. I do not have to prove that scientifically. It is a fact”
Goebbels

“I do not consider Hitler to be as bad as he is depicted. He is showing an ability that is amazing and seems to be gaining his victories without much bloodshed”
Gandhi, 1940

“Bees are generated from decomposing veal”
Saint Isidore of Seville, 7th century

WeiRD & uSeLeSS FaCTS
- On the 25th of January 1979, in an industrial accident at the Ford Motor Company’s factory in Michigan, Robert Williams became the 1st human being to be killed by a robot
- The translation for the South American Feugian word ‘mamihlapinatapai’ means roughly ‘staring at each other hoping that the other person will volunteer to do something which both people would like but which each is not willing to do’

GooD GoD
And the lord spake unto the philosopher, ‘I am the lord thy god, and I am the source of all that is good. Why does thy secular moral philosophy ignore me?’
And the philosopher spake unto the lord, ‘To answer I must first ask you some questions. You command us to do what is good. But is it good because you command it, or do you command it because it is good?’
‘Its good because I command it’ said the lord.
‘The wrong answer, surely, your mightiness! If the good is only good because you say it is so, then you could, if you wished, make it so that torturing infants was good. But that would be absurd, wouldn’t it?’
‘Of course!’ replieth the lord. ‘I tested thee and thou hast made me pleased. What was the other choice again?’
‘You choose what is good because it is good because it is good. But that shows quite clearly that goodness does not depend on you at all. So we don’t need to study god to study the good.’
‘Even so,’ spake the lord, ‘You’ve got to admit I’ve written some pretty good textbooks on the subject…..’

from the book The Pig that Wants to be Eaten (source: Euthyphro by Plato. 380 bce)

LoNeLY
i gotta not watch Rom-Com films on a saturday night.
im tired from a week of work, i end up seeing a bit of it and are too buggered to change the channel, so i watch the rest as a no-brainer. at the end of the happy happy film im depressed cos im single, it sux. i gotta watch an action/scifi film cos then my brain starts working and i go nutty on theories and ideas for an hour or 2, and i get that weird kid like mindset after the film like i was in the film
fuck rom-coms, only time im gunna watch them is if im with a girl cos then if its shit ill just get frisky and we got an excuse to turn of the the tv.
i am so alone

CHRoNiCLe oF THe FuTuRe

2008-05-04T15:38:00.003+10:00

What was supposed to happen according to:
The Sunday Times - Chronicle of the Future
2000
- Amazonian tribes take biotech giant to court claiming theft of indigenous knowledge after they patent several plants known by natives to have medicinal or biological advantages
- The biblical cities of Sodom and Gomorrah found under the dead sea
- Killer dodges death row after experimental operation to send to tiny electrical impulses into part of brain thought to control or inhibit violent impulses
- Lord Lucan’s body found, preserved in ice, in Himalayas
2001
- NBC highest rating channel is War Channel, using unmanned aerial vehicles to capture scenes of death and destruction
- Outbreak of obsessive compulsive disorder thought to be caused by virus
- Artificial neurons developed to replace dying brain cells
- Zsa Zsa Gabor dies
2002
- Brain damage patient cured with injection of prepared brain tissue, grown in lab, injected into brain
- US and Japan send spacecraft to asteroid only 1km in diameter
- Christopher reeves walks again after use of methylprednisolone, a steroid, and transplanted tissue
- Genetically engineered bacteria used to extract gold by separating ore from rock
- Police use vests made from same material as spider webs but grown by bacteria
- Another bacteria used to dispose of waste at nuclear power plants
- Smokers can be inoculated against nicotine using new drug that attaches itself to nicotine molecules making them too big to pass through blood/brain barrier, thus no buzz
- Cinemas open small rooms for groups to watch film while being served restaurant quality food
- India and Pakistan conflict again over Kashmir
- 1st virtual classroom, using multiple projectors and motion sensors, takes kids on a tour of the human heart
- Prince harry renounces his place in succession
- Cannabis approved from medicinal use in UK
2003
- Viagra successor made using genetically engineered linseed, thus creating price lowering of Viagra
- Rugby players wearing tiny cameras mounted on headband and tiny heli-cams give viewers all new view of game
- Civil war erupts in Russia, small nukes used, thus causing nearby Asia to have a cold summer, which effects crops
- Spielberg quits to concentrate on low budget documentaries
- Wristwatch telephone reads out emails and lets you dictate replies
2004
- Scientists ecstatic over pictures returned from Titan, Saturn’s giant moon.
- Worlds tallest building, the 120-storey Grollo Tower in Melbourne is 1,873ft high
- Human Genome Project completed
- Pope Ignatius visits former home in Austria
- Barbara Cartland dies
- Microchips embedded in trees in London
2005
- Planck probe sends maps universe background radiation and works out what universe looked like when it was a trillionth of a trillionth of a trillionth of a second old
- Diamond chips to replace silicon chips in computers
- Slobodan milosevic assassinated in Belgrade
- Scotland declares independence
- Water recycling washing machine on sale
- New Barbie released with speech recognition, infrared link to computer and ability to chat
- South African president calls on ban of all nuclear weapons within 5 years, Australia, Mexico, Sweden, Japan and south Africa sign up
- Saddam Hussein dies
2006
- Former-prince harry marries Sarah Bocking in Brighton register office
- Actors Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis feared dead in earthquake in Los Angeles
2007
- Baby born from saved egg from a previously miscarried baby, mum actually grandmother
- On 10th anniversary of Hong Kong’s hand over to china, protesters are wounded and a few killed at protests calling for independence
- Michael Schumaker retires
- Idi Amin dies after a stroke
- Popular fashion: self cleaning shirts, temperature changing fashion, tv display glasses, videophone cufflinks and voice recognition credit-card wallets
2008
- Heat wave causes chaos in London after temperatures of over 35C for 5 consecutive days
- Japanese lunar probe, partly funded by Disney, returns to earth with 8.6kg of helium-3
- Mike Tyson dies in street brawl in Los Angeles
- UK soap opera Eastenders finishes
- Factory that makes artificial organs for transplants opens

TrouBLe MaKeRS & KNoW & iRiSH CuRSeS & ReaDiNG & KNiCKeR & STRaNGe FaNTaSY & SoRe

2008-04-14T18:04:00.002+10:00

Ye oLDe TrouBLe MaKeRS
From the book :
The Centenary Collection
Melbourne Town
A Boom City In Old Australia

Larrikins in Swanston Street, c. 1880
Larrikins like the pair pictured in Swanston Street in 1880 were aggressive groups of young (mostly) men (there were some female ‘larrikinesses’), who often took to causing trouble by jostling people in crowds and starting fights, picking trouble with police, raiding pubs for free drinks, causing affrays at the football and generally behaving like the bodgies and widgies of a later era. They became fashion-concious later in the 1880’s, affecting tight pants, and became better organised inot suburban and sub-suburban larriking ‘gangs’ – who frequently fought each other.

<>

DiD You KNoW:
- Many years ago the Argus newspaper described Young & Jackson’s Hotel as a place of “stale beer, tobacco and choice language”.
- The designer of Luna Park T.H. Eslick’s visit to India may have been the inspiration for Luna park’s Mr Moon and the Mogul/Moorish entrance facade.

iRiSH CuRSeS
axe the back of me sack – please rephrase the question to the back of my scrotum. eg “ya want the remote control do ya? Well, you can axe the back of me sack”
up the highest hole of yer jacksie – you can keep your ideas to yourself, eg “hold that thought and stick it up the highest hole of yer jacksie”
shitehawk – a dishonest person
whoring bottlesquatter – someone who’s a bit pervy
face like a slide in shit – not much of a looker

HiGHLY ReCoMMeNDeD ReaDiNG
The Porn Report by Alan McKee, Katherine Albury & Catharine Lumby
A comprehensive examination of consumption and production of porn in Australia.
Its goes into everything about porn, its history, its myths, the consumers and makers of it, feminism, pedophilia, ethics, and the effects of it. A very enjoyable and eye opening book that should sell a lot for its contents, not just its name.

KNiCKeR aTTaCK
Lanna Action for Burma. A pressure group based in thailand that seeks to topple the dictatorship of General Than Shwe’s junta, has called for supporters to “post, deliver or fling” womens underwear to/at their nearest Burmese embassy. “The Burma military regime is not only brutal but very superstitious” states the pressure groups website “They believe that contact with a womans panties or sarong can rob them of their power”
Fortean Times - March 2008

STRaNGe FaNTaSY QueSTioNS
Like most people I store the memory of people I think are sexy in my brain to be used later for fantasies, usually while having a wank. Ive heard that part of thehbarin being known as the Wank Bank. A good time to access this part of my brain is when I wake up to early and cant quite get back to sleep, most probably with a morning glory too. Something strange happened recently happened on a day off. I didn’t have to get up so I drfieted in and out of sleep, sometimes acessing the Wank Bank in my brain for pleasant thoughts. Eventually I got out of bed and went for my usual day off dingos breakfast (a piss and look around). While urinating I realised that one woman I sometimes include in my fantasies (including that morning) has only ever popped up in threesomes or group things. Ive never had a one on one fantasy with her.
I wonder why that is? Why have I never fantasized about her alone? Why is she the person my brain thinks would be most likely to start a threesome? Why is this person only a group sex fantasy for me? After realising this itll be funny to see how my brain reacts next time I see her.

SoRe uPPeR-BuM/LoWeR-BaCK
Met up with a friend in the city, sat on steps of old builidng and chatted for ages before going off together for something to eat. I think I bruised my cocyx from sittting on the concrete steps. Its annoyingl

SKooL iS SHiT

2008-04-06T14:11:00.002+10:00

WHY MY BLoG iS SHiT

2008-04-06T13:22:00.002+10:00

i have no computer at home, i think up great stuff to put on my blog but then get to the net cafe and my mind is blank. FUCK

BuRPDaY CuDDLe PaRTY?

2008-02-18T14:46:00.003+11:00

MY BuRPDaY

i was thinking i might have a cuddle party for my birthday later in the year

A Cuddle Party is an event designed with the intention of allowing people to experience non-sexual group physical intimacy through cuddling. Cuddle Parties are described by organizers as "workshop/social-events" that gives adults an opportunity to "give and receive welcomed affectionate touch in a no-expectation, friendly setting, according to your needs, desires, interests, and boundaries." Cuddle Parties are described as non-sexual events but kissing may occur at some parties.[1]

A Cuddle Party is a group experience, while the one-on-one analog is a cuddlebuddy relationship

According to the Cuddle Party web site, the rules of Cuddle Party are as follows:

-Pajamas stay on the whole time.
-You must ask permission and receive a verbal "yes" before you touch anyone. (Be as specific in your request as you can.)
-You don't have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.
-If you're a yes, say yes. If you're a no, say no.
-If you're a maybe, say no.
-You are encouraged to change your mind from a yes to a no or a no to a yes anytime you want.
-Respect your relationship agreements and communicate with your partner.
-Get your Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty or Cuddle Caddy if you have a question or concern or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party.
-Tears and laughter are both welcome.
-Respect people's privacy when sharing about Cuddle Party and do not gossip.
-Arrive on time.
-Be hygienically savvy

LuCKY BiTCH

2008-01-28T19:45:00.001+11:00

a friend of mine is on the cover and has an article about her in total tattoo magazine, lucky bitch

FeCKLeSS

2008-01-27T16:23:00.001+11:00

FeCKLeSS RoGueS
my sis sent me the 2nd series of Podge & Rodge's chat show, its a fecking hilarious irish tv show.
if you dont know what it is look it up on youtube & wikipedia

BaDeSCHiFF

2008-01-13T18:05:00.001+11:00

BaDeSCHiFF
The yarra need one of these...

The Badeschiff (in English, "bathing ship") is an old barge or cargo container that has been converted into a public swimming pool in Berlin, Germany. Beached on the shoreline in the East Harbour section of the River Spree, the Badeschiff allows citizens to swim in a safe and sanitary environment in their river, at least in a figurative sense. The Spree itself is far too polluted to permit safe bathing.
The Badeschiff opened in the summer of 2004 as an art project organized by the Stadtkunstprojekte (City Art Project Society) of Berlin. It was created by local artist, Susanne Lorenz, to enliven city life along the long-neglected Spree.
The pool was converted from the hull of a vessel measuring eight by thirty-two metres. It is open to the public daily from 8am to midnight. Disc jockeys commonly spin records outside the pool entrance where there is also a bar

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Badeschiff

....it's clothing optional and by that I mean no-one is wearing any clothes, so if you're weird about that then this place is not for you.

PeNiS GaMe & VaGiNaS & HaiR

2008-01-07T13:22:00.002+11:00

THe PeNiS GaMe
All you have to do is add or substitute the title of a well-known film/title with the word "penis" and off you go

2 Fast 2 Penis
28 Penises Later
A Few Good Penises
All Quiet on the Penis Front
An Officer and a Penis
Bedknobs and Penises
Crouching Tiger Hidden Penis
Die Hard: With a Penis
Dude, Where's My Penis
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Penis
Honey I Shrunk the Penis
Good Morning Penis
Good Night Mr Penis
How To Lose A Penis in 10 Days
I Know Where You(r) Penis Was Last Summer
I Spit on Your Penis
James and the Giant Penis
Joseph and the Amazing Technicoloured Penis
Lara Croft: Penis Raider
My Best Friend's Penis
My Super Ex Penis
Not Another Teen Penis
One Fine Penis
Penisjuice
Penis-spotting
Penis Never Dies
Romancing the Penis (Alexia Drew)
Sleeping with the Penis
Sliding Penises
Some Like Penis Hot
Stop! Or My Penis Will Shoot
Teenage Mutant Ninja Penis
The Attack of the 50 Foot Penis
The Girl with a Pearl Penis
The Good, The Bad and The Penis
The Hand That Rocks the Penis
The Long Penis Goodnight
The Lord of the Penis: Fellowship of the Ring
The Never Ending Penis
The Passion of The Penis
The Penis Hunter
The Penis Reloaded
The Penis Rising
The Penis That Couldn't Shoot Straight
The Penis Trap
The Pink Penis
The Talented Mr Penis
The Wrong Penis
Three Men and a Little Penis
Vanilla Penis
When a Man Loves a Penis
White Penises Can't Jump
Willy Wonker and the Penis Factory
X-Penises: The Final Stand

Ways to say vagina....
ginie, vagina, pussy, bearded clam, vertical smile, beaver, cunt, trim, hair pie, bearded ax wound, tuna taco, fur burger, cooch, cooter, punani, snatch, twat, lovebox, box, poontang, cookie, fuckhole, love canal, flower, nana, pink taco, cat, catcher's mitt, muff, roast beef curtains, the cum dump, chocha, black hole, sperm sucker, fish sandwich, cock warmer, whisker biscuit, carpet, love hole, deep socket, cum craver, cock squeezer, slice of heaven, flesh cavern, the great divide, cherry, tongue depressor, clit slit, hatchet wound, honey pot, quim, meat massager, chacha, stinkhole, black hole of calcutta, cock socket, pink taco, bottomless pit, dead clam, cum crack, twat, rattlesnake canyon, bush, cunny, flaps, fuzz box, fuzzy wuzzy, gash, glory hole, grumble, man in the boat, mud flaps, mound, peach, pink, piss flaps, the fish flap, love rug, vadge, the furry cup, stench-trench, wizard's sleeve, DNA dumpster, tuna town, split dick, bikini bizkit, cock holster, cockpit, snooch, kitty kat, poody tat, grassy knoll, cold cut combo, Jewel box, rosebud, curly curtains, furry furnace, slop hole, velcro love triangle, nether lips, where Uncle's doodle goes, altar of love, cupid's cupboard, bird's nest, bucket, cock-chafer, love glove, serpent socket, spunk-pot, hairy doughnut, fun hatch, spasm chasm, red lane, stinky speedway, bacon hole, belly entrance, nookie, sugar basin, sweet briar, breakfast of champions, wookie, fish mitten, fuckpocket, hump hole, pink circle, silk igloo, scrambled eggs between the legs, black oak, Republic of Labia, juice box, Golden Palace, fetus flaps, skins, sausage wallet. Holiest of Holies, sugar hole, The Death of Adam, home plate, Deer Hoof, Golden Arches, Cats Paw, Mule Nose, Yo Yo Smuggler, Mumbler (Aussie), Dinner Roll, Crotch Waffle, Piss Fenders, crack, Melvin, Dove Breast, Brakepads, Vedgie, Slurpy, Vacuum Vulva, Pastrami Flaps, Hot Tamaki Walk, Buffalo Gums, Rooster Jaws, Wagon Ruts, Beaver Teeth, Mumble Pants (Sweden), Ninja Boot, Marcia (Aussie), Skin Canoe, Fatty, Mossy Jaw, The Big W, Chia Hole, Lip Jeans, Beetle Hood, Hungry Minge, Sausage Wallet, Front Bottom, Welly Top, Frum, Pancake Fold, Tongue Roll, Bologna Flap-Over, Furrogi (Poland), Fortune Nookie (China), Bearded Taco, Calamari Cockring, Displabia, Slot Pocket, Bluntfrunt, Fishamjig, Pole Magnet, Pocket Pie, Clamarama, kitty cage, Chicken's tongue, Conch shell, Crack of heaven, Dog's mouth, Door of life, Fly catcher, Fruit cup, Jelly roll, Lobster pot, bunny tuft, KNISH, her asshole neighbor, lotus, nappy dugout, moneymaker, womens weapon, tackle box, bone hider, red sea, pizzo, JIZZ RECEPTICLE, The Helmut Hide-A-Way, hairy heaven, furry 8 ball rack, crave cave, arbys with fur, fish canyon, toolshed, snake charmer, Furby, Enchilada of love, Ham sandwich, Camarillo brillo, Brazilian caterpillar, dick rack, boy in the canoe, flesh tuxedo, Mound of Venus, queef quarters, Venus butterfly, cooter, cream canal, poontang pie, wet mark, private area, thresher, punash, salami garage, tunnel of love, slurpee machine, pink cookie, penalty box, ground zero, meat crease, bait, birth canal, holy grail, pole hole, pork pie, fuzz bucket, one-eyed python trail, bubble gum by the bum, stink rink, theme park, saloon doors, pink truffle, bitter & twisted, burger bar, meat counter, temperamental ringpiece, python syphon, big bud, the Wombsday Book, the condo downstate, snake lake, the indoor barbecue, pound cake, beef tomato, tickled pink, launch pad, horn of pl enty, the indoor picnic, hamper of goodies, flapped bap, bonefish, close encounter with the turd kind, sperm bank, man's charity bash, bush tucker, midnight dip, the one-door vulva, the welcome opponent, the Twatlantic Ocean, temporary lodgings, field of dreams, bean, cooze, old catchers mitt, devil's hole, lucy, pish buffet, pooswaa, poonaner, davey jones locker, pink panther, tinker bell, south mouth, dick eater, wonder bread, wolly bolly, foxhole, hot pocket, head catcher, Lawrence of A Labia, silk funnel, dick driver, purple people penis eater, meat curtains, ponchita, cherry pop tart, fat rabbit, scunt, pee jaws, mingus, The Notorious V.A.G., stench trench, poon jab, nappy dugout, babyoven, penis parking, cooter muffin, the promised land, cock pocket, cha cha, the shrine, bitch ditch, fury pink mink, mammal hole, ever-lasting cum stopper, the toothless blow job, happy flappy, wilt chamberlian's daily glove, the code defierthe salt water taffy factory, mommy's pie, the easy bake oven, the deflower patch, the virginator, the schlong sucker, the dea bone patch, the vegitarian's temptation, the vegan store, the blow hole, the pump protector, bag pipe, Spitball Bullseye, meat wagon, pickle stinker, jezebel's smell, yoni, willys haven, scrumpter, peach, sweat box, yeast pocket, penis warmer, tampon tunnel, penis pothole, cucumber canal, egg drop Box, sperm shack, dick dungeon, cock curator, b.o.b.'s bungalow, mommy parts, tuna pot pie, nice slice, peter vise, cock sock, rack of clam, peters grove, penis purse, grandest canyon, fish dish, banana box, tuna spread, pink portal, count fapula, red river gorge, happy valley, revolving in/out door, baby zipper, richards house THATSMYDADSNAME, stop-n-pop, bone polisher, packin shack, weiner wrap, clap trap, camel toe, dildo hotel, axe gash, pearl hotel, sea food six pack, clam canal, coose canal, dick deposit, wand waxer, vidgie, erie canal, candy kiss, gauntlet, round mound of beehound,lick n' stick, lap flounder, tomahawk chop, chin-chin, pachinko, cuntry pie, lip tip, the big casino, one eyed worm hole, amazon forest, cock cave, fuckdonut, coochie pop, babby, wet seal, pissy froth hole, bald biscuit, the unmentionable, mans ruin, peeshie, hairy potter, courtney cocksleve, panty hamster,deep pink, jaws of life, gizmo, faith, cock magnet, slippery slide, Meat tunnel, pink heaven, squid, dick basket, hot spot, poochika, pudding, bowl, love cave, squeeze-box, quim, honey pot, the bone collector, goodie basket, depository, pink turtleneck, bread-box, little debbie, pole hole, pandora's box,snail tracker, cuntzilla, homebase, pud pocket, bear trap, indian bones and the temple of poon, chanch, big montana, noochie, choot, golden valley, nappy roots, dick mitten, mystical fold

HaiRY NiPPLe

2008-01-07T13:22:00.001+11:00

PaC SKuLL

FaCeBooK STaLKiNG & ViRGiNiTY

2007-12-29T19:58:00.002+11:00

ViRGiNiTY
oh shit!!!!
i just found the women who i lost my virginity with, on FACEBOOK!
she now lives in new york and is a bit of a socialite
i put in a friend request and sent her an old pic and a recent pic, i wonder if she accepts.

2007-12-29T19:58:00.000+11:00

DoDGY CoMiC PiCS?

fnar fnar!

CoiNS & ToYS & ReTaiL

2007-12-23T14:10:00.001+11:00

CoiNS CoiNS CoiNS
i was given a task of not spending $2 coins for six months, any $2 coin i got was not legal tender to me and i was not to spend it. i put them all in a unopenable money box. i opened it after 6 onths and i had $382. im using some of it to buy a bottle of tequila for NYE, not sure what im doing with the rest, maybe i should get another piercing or another tattoo.
ill probably just leave it and start again on Jan 1st, without such rigid rules. i cheated a few times and asked shops for change in $1 coins and a couple of times when i was drunk i spent a coin or 2. but 99% of them went into the money box when i got home.

SeXToY iDeaS
i think somone should make a buttplug with a hipflask inside it. itd be a great way to sneak booze into a club. they could call it a buttflask.
it could also be used in kinky scenes with someone drinking shots out of anothers buttflask.

i think someone should make a strap-on candle. itd be great for phallic wax play, shaking it all spreading wax all over the place, sorta like what boys do anyway.

how about a strap on boozeholder, something that can be strapped on but hold drinks in it. make someone kneel before you to get their vodka shots straight from your groin

ReTaiL HeLL
i just survived the hell that is retail at xmas. non stop customers for hours. it sucked. i have 3 days off then back for boxing day. thank fuck its not this busy until next xmas.
a work mate said "if xmas wasnt so random people could plan in advance and buy early"

PeRV BeFoRe PaRiS

2007-10-08T18:55:00.001+10:00

PeRV BeFoRe HiS TiMe
I watched the film about bob crane (hogan from hogans heroes) called AutoFocus.
I felt sorry for the guy, he liked to take photos of naked women and tape his rootings. Big woop de do!
If he was around now, hed be bigger than that rich waste of space paris hilton, but cos he was 20 years to early then he was condemned as a pervert.
Poor bugger.

MaZZa & eMo & aNaL & QueSTioNS

2007-10-06T14:09:00.001+10:00

MaZZA
i went to marilyn manson last night, was okay but didnt quite satisfy. a friend described it as a "best of & singles" show, which was about right
i saw at least 3 kids there under 8 years old, 2 on shoulders another as i was leaving, one was around 6-7, had on industrial earmuffs and had black smudgy eyeliner on, pretty cool. another didnt have the ear muffs but was goung mental on the shoulders of the person he was sitting on, pretty cool (again). id love to see the reaction of their little friends when they ask what they did on the skool holidays

eMo STiNK
this summer the emo kids will know the funky smell of tight black pants on a summers day, but lucky fore them and unlucky for us they have the hipster pants butt crack effect for an anal exhaust.

aNaL LiMeRiCK
“I like anal sex, if you please”
Said Ginger while down on her knees
“I’m firm and I’m tight,
I’m an utter delight!
And I promise that I won’t cut the cheese!”

QueSTioNS
if you watch some porn from 100 years ago is it a sort of necrophilia cos the people in it are dead now?

if youve seen one of the many pictures of lindsay lohans shaven genitalia, then watched a film with her in it before she hit puberty, if your mind has the image of her hairless vadge post puberty which would look similar to her pre pubescent pre-hair vadge, is it a form of pedophilia?

BiBLiCaL SiZe QueeN & STeaLiNG BiRD

2007-09-30T14:02:00.001+10:00

BiBLiCaL DoNKeY DiCK

She was infatuated with their male prostitutes, whose members were like those of donkeys and whose seed came in floods like that of stallions. — Ezekiel 23:20

(from eros blog) link

THieViNG BiRD
He only steals Zesty Cheese doritos, has taken 20 bags (!!) in just a few weeks, and "he gives me the look every time he comes in" says Philip McCall, store employee of the shop in Aberdeen Scotland

HeaDaCHe & SuMMeR & MuSiC & BaLCoNY & SeX STuFF

2007-09-15T21:29:00.001+10:00

The following entries may contain too much information if you know me
You have been warned
Its mostly about fucking!

HeaDaCHe CuRe
The one thing that helped me with my headaches was sex, not orgasms, but the pure adrenaline workout, the nothing else exists insanity of fucking, the fucking 'til you collapse into each others arms. Orgasm help a little, but I think it’s the full body workout or a great fuck.
I’m gunna have to fuck more.

SuMMeR
Being of irish descent I burn like a muthfuka in the sun, I spend the summer alternating from shade, hats and massaging aloe vera into my head.
One of the few good things in summer other than gelati and sitting on the beach at 2am is fucking.
I love the sweatiness of summer fucking. Its probably a pheromone thing. I don’t like it when its too hot too spoon afterwards but the fucking makes up for that. Its also good 'cos you can walk around naked and not have to wear clothes between fucking, which usually makes the time between fuck shorter, which I’ve found is a good thing.

MuSiC
This may sound weird but need to find a girl with a sense of humour to help me with an experiment. I've always wanted to fuck to what people say is good fucking music. I've fucked to some stuff I've got, like metal, tekno, industrial, trance, soundtracks, hip hop, etc. etc. but I wanna try it to Barry White. I've got a Barry White best of. trouble is I’m so happy to be fucking I usually grab the nearest cd or play what’s in the cd player.
It’d be hard to keep a straight face, which is hard enough already while having sex. It’d be fun, its definitely on my to do list.

BaLCoNY
I've been obsessed about for a few years now is sex on a balcony. I've done the sex in public thing, it was fun, but I like the idea of doing something that may or may not be in visible, depending on the sort of balcony, doing it somewhere that people are too busy to look, upwards. Everyone is too busy going where they’re going to look upwards. If I cant do it on balcony I’ll just have to do it in a window, if she keeps her top on no one will know what’s going on out of sight.
I know a friend who did in a car park at a shopping center on a busy night (probably friday) no one ever looks into the cars (unless their a thief or a security guard. She said it was hot.

HoBBY
I like to read about sex, I like to know as much as I can about it, not just fucking but gender, sexuality, legal issues, sex work, queer theory, methods, acts, art, pretty much anything to do with fucking. I've been told by fuckwits that my obsession is sleazy or that I’m obviously not getting any if I talk about it all the time.
I want those people to look at themselves, what is their obsessions, their hobbies, their habits. Do they talk endlessly about bands, even talking about members by their first names as though they know them personally (in denial), or do they blab endlessly about their car, their house, their investments, or whatever so called normal people talk about. I am not sleazy, I’m just more educated than them in a subject they have difficulty in dealing with so they automatically go into defensive mode accusing the person who confronts them with that which they are scared of with name calling. They’re like the hippy who points the finger at the –isms around them but when confronted by one of those they are trying to help they freak out.
I don’t know why I’m giving these fuckers any space here, they don’t deserve the piss from my dick, but I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest.

DuMBaSS
After the HeaDaCHe CuRe entry above, I must confess I was a dumb fuck on the weekend. I went to a club, a woman introduced herself to me, we’d met before through a friend. We chatted for ages, she was stunning, and being the dumbass that I am I didn’t even think of asking for her number. Doh! Now I’m in the wondering brainspace instead of the knowing brainspace. I am such a dumbass sometimes.

oRGaSMS
Like most people, I like em, but its not the goal for me. I like fucking and not cumming, I've always been one of those people that frustrates women. I like to fuck someone for a couple of days and only cum once. It’s a biggie when it hits, afterwards I get all hyper like a kid on a sugar buzz, which sometimes annoys the girl who usually wants to rest, eventually I crash. Blow jobs are okay but your gunna get a sore neck or mouth 'cos it tales ages that way for me, only one persons been able to go the distance.
I like watching the other person when they cum. I like the view while going down 'cos it’s a full body view, watching their back arch, their breathing get faster, and all the other good stuff, just makes me nuts, its so fucking hot. I like it when you find a position that guarantees they cum, whether it’s the gspot, the clit or whatever, its sort of like a goal reached together. I love making her cum, letting her relax for half a minute then keep on going on the same spot, she wants it, it feels good, but its too much. Its fucking great (or great fucking).

RaNDoM PoRN FiNDS
When I was a kid, on the way to school, I once found some porn on a nature strip that’d been chopped up under a lawnmower. I vaguely remembered me and my brother and sister being fascinated with it, but being catholic and under 10 we just thought it was “rude”.
The strangest thing I remember about it was I saw a tiny picture of a guy going down on a girl. Id never heard of such a thing, my tiny brain didn’t know how to interpret it. I remember thinking or saying it must be a guy with boobs I the picture because women didn’t have anything to do that to down there.
Many years later I realized how wrong I was.

THe FiRST NoN-ViRGiN
I remember years ago at school there was only one guy who had lost his virginity for real, we all claimed to have done it with imaginary girls wed met on the holidays, but in reality we’d probably only just discovered the joys of wanking alot. When he was talking about it some one asked if he had “licked her pussy”. He said he had. Then the same guy asked what it tasted like. He said it tasted like snot.
Many years later I discovered how wrong he was.

DoGS & CHoCCieS & HaTe & aLCoHoL

2007-09-15T21:23:00.001+10:00

DoGS NoT aPeS
I was wondering if we’d descended from dogs not apes how would we be doing the bum sniffing thing as upright walking intelligent canines.
Would we offer a finger straight from the back of our pants to the other to smell?
Itd be nuts with women being on heat. Dads would have to lock their daughters in their room or have mega security around the house until it passes.

CHoCoLaTe WeiRDNeSS
A favourite dish of the aztecs was roast turkey with chocolate gravy!!

SeLF HaTiNG
from MCV:issue 349 thurs 13 sept
“Israeli Nazis charged
One of eight Russian - Israeli suspects, accused of belonging to a neo-nazi cell responsible for attacks on gay men, the homeless and orthodox Jews; is seen during a court appearance in the central Israeli town of Ramle, last Sunday. In a case that would seem unthinkable in the Jewish state, police found nazi uniforms and regalia when they raided the gang’s homes, together with videos the group made of violent attacks on same sex couples and other minorities. Ironically, all the gang’s Russian-born members claimed ‘right of return’ to immigrate to Israel, as they had at least one Jewish grandparent.”

I've heard woody allen talk about “self hating jews”, I think that would be the simplest term used for dickheads like those guys.

IRiSH ToaST
“May you live to a hundred years, with one extra year to repent”

VoDKa
“Sparks! They fly from your stomach to the furthest reaches of your body” – Anton Chekhov

“Vodka is only drunk for one reason, and if you have a bottle of vodka you’ll always find a reason” - Russian saying

“There cannot be not enough snacks,
there can only be not enough vodka.
There can be no silly jokes,
there can only be not enough vodka.
There can be no ugly women,
There can only be not enough vodka.
There cannot be too much vodka,
there can only be not enough vodka.” - Russian saying

what food goes best with vodka – pickles, caviar, sausages, salted or pickled fish on rye bread, black bread.

TraDiTioNaL ToaSTS
Officers at sea followed a strict weekly schedule for toasts when drinking after dinner
Sunday- absent friends
Monday – our ships at sea - queen and country
Tuesday – our men and our mothers – health and wealth
Wednesday – ourselves, our swords, old ships
Thursday – a bloody war or sickly season – the king
Friday – a willing foe and sea room – fox hunting and old port
Saturday – sweethearts and wives (may they never meet)

GReaT QuoTe aBouT DRiNKiNG
“always do sober what you’d said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut” – Ernest Hemingway

HaNGoVeR ReMeDYS
Puerto Rico – rub half a lemon in the armpit of your drinking arm
Japan – wear a gauze surgical mask soaked in sake
Mongolia – eat/drink pickled sheep’s eye in tomato juice
Hungarian Magyars – drink sparrow droppings in brandy
Ancient Assyrians – grind swallow beaks in myrrh and drink
Ancient Libyans – mix seawater into your wine. That way, you cant get too much wine in your system before the seawater induces vomiting
Ancient Greeks – draw blood through self flagellation, allowing the alcohol to seep out
Romans : eat fried canary
Middle Ages – drink a mixture of bitter almonds and raw eel
Wild West – plenty of droppings from a jack rabbit, well dried, then brewed with hot water in a tea
19th Century American Housewives – soaking your feet in mustard and water until the headache is gone
19th Century English Chimney Sweeps – a cup of warm milk mixed with a tea spoon of soot (from hardwood, if possible), drink slowly
Haiti – stick 13 black headed pins into the cork of the bottle that caused the hangover

BRaiN & SPiDeY QuoTe & CoMiC

2007-09-11T19:51:00.001+10:00

M.R.I
I just had another MRI. Was okay this time except when I started coughing. Its annoying to take out my piercing, had trouble putting it back in, so I had to wait till I got home to put it back in. Its strange lying in a tube with lots of noise, your head held in place by various things, and your only view is a little mirror that points to the people operating the machine from behind the glass. It’d make a great scene in a horror film, where you can’t move but can see it all happening in the little mirror.

i got my result, my brain hasnt changed but they gave me new pills cos the old ones (endep) just made me sleepy. Ive got Catapres 100 ($30, fuck!)
its ingredients are:Each Catapres 100 tablet contains 100 micrograms clonidine hydrochloride. The other ingredients are maize starch, colloidal anhydrous silica, povidone, stearic acid, calcium hydrogen phosphate, and lactose.

The more frequently reported side effects of Catapres are:
drowsiness (ill look like im on the nod)
dryness of the mouth (constant drinking will make me wee)
nausea and vomiting (no thanks)

Less frequently reported side effects of Catapres include the following:
* blurred vision ( i already wear glasses)
* lightheadedness when you stand up suddenly (what if you stand all day at work?)
* dizziness (the effect of booze without the booze)
* confusion (whats new?)
* headache (ive already got on you dumb fuck)
* sleep disturbances (nocturnal emmisions maybe)
* mental depression (just what i need)
* irrational or abnormal thoughts (what could be more abnormal than the ay i think now)
* irritability (grumpy old fart)
* decreased sexual drive / impotence (nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!)
* generally feeling unwell (duh)
* thinning of hair (i shave what i have off, no problems as long as its not myfacial hair)
* rash / hives / itching (ill have to cut my nails)
* constipation (2 hour poops)
* dryness of the nose and eyes (i get that with hayfever medicine anyway)
* pain in the salivary glands (huh?)
* tingling or numbness of the hands or feet (wierd?)
* larger breasts than normal, in men (woohoo, something to play with)
* slow or irregular heart beat (scarey)

i will post how it all goes with the new pills

QuoTe FRoM: by Peter Parker
in Ultimate Spider-Man Vol.11. Carnage
“Sure, now he’s just –
He’s just “one of those guys” who like to bust on everyone.
Just jokes, right? He gets to say and do what he wants because he has a basketball jacket and a nice haircut…
Because, really, in this world… I guess all you need is a nice haircut.
But here’s the thing…
He’s going to grow up.
He’s going to become a man.
And because you have rewarded him for his behavior year after year…
Because his parents don’t seem to care…
Because all he knows now is that its okay to act this way, to treat people like this…
…he’s going to grow up to be a full grown…
greedy, mean, selfish liar.
The world is full of them.
The world is run by them.
And your “friend” is one of them.
You need to learn this and learn this fast.
This is the world.”

FuCKiN FuNNY CoMiC
I recently borrowed “nextwave. Agents of H.A.T.E. This Is What They Want” from the library. It’s a fucking funny comic. Its full of strangeness, rudeness, bizzarness, insanity, and loves to take the piss out of the usual super hero poop. It laughed out loud while reading it.
Their leader is Monica Rambeau, she is a veteran superhero who can change part or all of her mass into any electromagnetic energy in the spectrum, and used to run the avengers (her mum always insisted she get a proper job, it was said that when her mum died she went to hell and is being used as a bucket by giant weasels dressed as cheerleaders, cos that’s what happens when you tell your kids to get a proper job). There’s Captain NNNN, a guy who got his superpowers from aliens while he was drunk, they never tell you what it means but he was beaten up by Captain America and woke up with a bar of soap in his mouth when he told him his name. There’s an android known as Machine Man who insists he be called Aaron Stack and keeps on referring to humans as fleshy ones. There’s Tabitha Smith who has the mutant powers of “blowing things up and stealing all your stuff”. And Elsa Bloodstone a the daughter of the near immortal monster hunter, and she wears a creepy gem that makes her superhumanly resistant to harm.
In the final fight they are attacked with the combat pterodactyl suit wearing Assault Pterosuit Flock, the samurai robots Samuroid Batch 23, the robotic Homicide Crabs and best of all Drop Bears!
After reading it I have the urge to refer to people as fleshy ones.

MoRe CHoC STuFF
Chocolate is not only pleasant of taste, but it’s a veritable balm of the mouth, for the maintaining of all glands and humors in a good state of health
- stephani blancardi, Italian physician (1650-1702)
Having chocolate in moderation, that’s about as useless as having sex with all your clothes on. Only an orgy of chocolate could possibly provide the satisfaction you crave
- anonymous

FaiL

2007-08-25T14:42:00.001+10:00

TaSK FaiLeD

i attempted to do the 24 hours without talking about sex
i failed, i got to 13 hours and mentioned flange
i have 2 more attempts

JoB & CHoC & WoRD & CoMiC & PHeReMoNeS & PRISM & SiCK & MaCCaS & TaLLuLaH & FeMaLE FaP & DReaM & PSYCHiC & BRaiN & ViZ & GaY & QueeR FiLMS

2007-08-25T14:06:00.001+10:00

NeW JoB:
I am no longer a professional relationship enhancement advisor, I’m now a pop culture distribution agent. But I will still give relationship enhancement advice just as a non professional.
I've gone from pervs to nerds.

CHoCoLaTe:· The artist Bernice Wood, who lived to 105, attributed her longevity to chocolate and young men
· According to the National Sausage and Hot Dog Council, kids said they would eat chocolate sauce on their hot-dogs as long as their mom wasn’t watching.
· Supplementing the average diet with half and ounce of dark chocolate and four tablespoons of cocoa powder per day can have a healthy effect on blood cholesterol levels
· The Mayans had a fixed market rate on cocoa beans – you could get a rabbit for 10 beans, a slave cost 100 and a prostitute went from 8 to 10.
· According to experts the best time of the day for tasting chocolate is late morning (about 11am) and early evening (around 6pm) when your senses are most receptive
· A prestigious department store has set up the worlds 1st “chocolate cellar” where top class European chocolate is stored at carefully regulated temperature and humidity levels
· Chocolate triggers responses in the brain similar to marijuana, but you would have to eat 25 pounds of chocolate in 1 sitting
· Chocolate-opoly is a scrumptious version of everyone’s favorite property trading game where you collect chucks of chocolate and trade them for chocolate factories, if you don’t experience Death by Chocolate first.
· In 2003, fashion designer Jeff banks settled a dispute with Sainsburys, a leading UK food retailer. He received £1 million cash and a box of their chocolate truffles every week.

WoRDs:
Meralgia Paresthetica : burning or tingling sensation experienced by women when they wear hipsters.
(I wonder what if there’s a similar effect for highpants)

CoMiC STuFF:
The Boys.
Its an amazingly hilarious fucked up comic, its full of fucked up humour, sex and violence. I got the 1st tpb and laughed my arse off.
Chronicles Of Wormwood
A hilarious sacrilegious comic about Jesus (in his 2nd coming) and the AntiChrist being buddies who decide to fuck over their parents by not starting the apocalypse and letting humans decide their own fate.

Since I've been in my new job I've been going to the library a lot and getting out tpb’s (trade paper backs, a collections of comics in larger book form). I've been averaging 2 or 3 a week. Its nuts. The Spiderman/Xmen/Superhero sorta stuff I can finish in a couple of days, minimal dialogue, lots of action, but the stuff I really like is the stuff that takes me a week or 2 to read. I read Bone, it took me almost 2 months, it was worth it.

PHeRoMoNeS
I went out last night, I got a little drunk. Was an okay night, had a boogie or 2. a friend of mine saw an ex-root there. She wanted to go home with him cos he’s a good root, but didn’t cos he’s a knob. She was mega frustrated. When leaving at 6am she was thinking about going to his place. She was horny but knew if she went there she’d regret it. She didn’t end up going to his place. She went home. The strangest thing happened, we were hugging and she was telling me how tempted she was and all that sorta stuff. I said she could do what she wants but don’t cry on my shoulder afterwards. I’m sorta over that shit magnet thing women do. Go out with an arsehole then cry on the nice guys shoulder. Blah. I gave her a kiss goodbye and got in the taxi. When I got home I was sooooooo fucking horny, it was nuts. I watched a porno for a bit, got bored, but still horny, tried a wank but that wasn’t doing anything. I wanted to fuck. I think the girl was frustrated, horny and probably pumping out pheromones. I copped a big dose and when I got home it kicked in. lucky for me (sort of) I had been drinking. So I went to bed and crashed out within a few minutes. I’m still frisky now (it’s the next day) but the tiredness from the all nighter last night is keeping it at bay, sort of. bloody pheromones, they’re dangerous. If I actually had gone home with someone last night I probably would’ve hurt myself, like getting a bruise in a sensitive area, but hey, that’s another story for another time……

PRISM COMICS
I found a cool mag and its equally cool website
Its called Prism Comics, it’s the LGBT guide to comics. Its got cool reviews, interviews and the latest lgbt stuff in comics.
Stuff like the Queer year in review, with articles about queers in the latest comics, reviews of lgbt cartoonists and artists and an article on “the oldest joke in comics” the queerness of Batman and Robin. Its got an interview with the amazing artist Ismael Alvarez who’s art work has to be seen to be believed, its amazing.

SiCK
I've been sick lately, and it seems wherever I go someone else is too. I was given 2 different sorts of penicillin which did fuck all. So now I’m off all that shit and doing the occasional towel over the head sniffing eucalyptus vapors. My headaches are getting worse and I’m going for another mri soon. Bloody frustrating.

MrG’s TeXT:
“You suck, -… is emo. Sure got 100 issues of buffy but fuck intelligent works. Geez, maybe I should buy Blue Beetle, read it, then circle jerk with my 10 X-Men titles and 40 Spiderman cash-ins. Then shove a dc/marvel/image/dw/topcow crossover up my arse, but I cant cuz that’s where they buried captain america”

I got this comment cos he missed and issue of a comic he’s been buying and the shop I work at had sold out of them. It’s the quick and the dead in the world of comics, you snooze you lose mutha fucka.

MaCCaS NaSTYNeSS
I read recently that McDonalds has a secret burger, it’s the Double Pounder. For $13.85 you get 8 beef patties on a couple of buns. Many years ago when I ate maccas fries occasionally, a friend who worked at maccas slipped me a big mac for free into my order of large fries. I sat at the train station, sniffed it and peeled it apart, I threw the vegies to the seagulls, then tasted the beef. I have never tasted meat so vile before. It had an unnatural consistency and tasted like fuck knows what. I haven’t eaten maccas since 1999, and it was only cos there was nothing else available at the Bali airport when I was coming back from Ireland (I had fries and a sundae).
The thought of even attempting to eat 1 of their “meat” patties makes me ill, the idea that someone could eat 8 makes me wanna projectile vomit.

TaLLuLaH BaNKHeaD QuoTe
“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner”

FeMaLe MaSTuRBaTioN
5 digit disco
checking the status of the I/O port
cleaning the fur coat
dialing 0 on the little pink telephone
pre-heating the oven
rubbin the nubbin
working in the garden

STRaNGe DReaMS
Lately I’ve had weird sexual dreams. I think I've had them before but cant remember much about them. An example was I woke and remembered having a dream about playing with a girls boobs, and fell back to sleep thinking horny thoughts. But hours later when I woke up to go to work I remembered that she was giving me a piggy-back ride when I grabbed her boobs. Weird. I know I've had a few dreams like this but I cant remember them. I wonder if other people get them.

DeFeNSe aGaiNST PSYCHiCS
If psychic mind reading powers were real what would they see/hear/feel in the mind of someone with a migraine. Would it be painful to them too? Could migraine sufferers be used a defense against psychics, as a sort of white noise defense.

PaiN & BRaiN TRaNSPLaNT
If brain transplants become standard procedure should the person who’s body being used be checked for any injury no matter how minute. Imagine if I hurt my leg when I was 10 and limped for a while but eventually I got used to the pain and the limping became 99% undetectable, then I have a injury 20 years later and become brain dead but my body’s okay. They transplant a new brain into my healthy body, the new person in my body wakes up in extreme pain in the place I was injured when I was 10. I got used to the pain eventually but the new persons brains been dumped in my body and hasn’t got used to the pain.

A SeLeCTioN FRoM ViZ’S PRoFaNiSauRuS
Arse Like A Tetley Teabag: description of a anus after a curry the night before, like when a teabag is suspended in mid air and boiling water is poured onto it and red hot steaming brown liquid comes out.
Cunt Candle: an outstanding idiot amongst men, one who stands out like a shining beacon of imbecility
FOFFOF: fair of figure, foul of face
Irish Alarm Clock: waking up early with horrific bowel movements caused by the 10 pints of Guinness the night before
Wankupuncture: the sell administered therapy that is believed to cure most ailments
Various things to say after a loud fart: Anybody injured? ; They’re firing sir, they’re firing! ; Keep shouting sir, we’ll find you ; speak up caller, you’re through ; a bit more choke and she would’ve started ; you’ll have to buy that now you’ve ripped it ; that’s working now try the light ; well struck sir ; speak on, sweet lips that never told a lie

THe iDeaL eNGiNe
A vagina!
Because it fits any size piston, it self lubricates, starts with 1 finger and does it own oil change every 4 weeks

You KNoW HoW i KNoW YouR GaY….or things about me now that my 16 year old self would’ve said I was a poof for
· I read the free local gay newspapers (they report a lot of stuff not in the “straight” media)
· I've been tied up to a cross in a nightclub and been whipped by a master
· I own some chaps ($25 in an opshop, what a bargain)
· I have queer comics & books
· I've read gay porn (I’m not going to avoid a story in a best erotic fiction book just cos its about cock sucking)
· One of my favourite vocalists is Jimmy Somerville (he has an amazing voice)
· I have gaydar (from many years of working in porn shops)
· I don’t want to breed (I come from a big family and also have problems with responsibility)
· I hate being called straight (it sounds like you’re boring and straight down the line)
I’m hetro but not a boring mortgage and marriage kinda guy, I like to get my freak on, and I feel comfortable in a queer setting. Some people spread rumors about me, but are too gutless to say it to my face. My problem is I’m both shy & extroverted, so people get mixed messages. They see me out socializing but never see me snogging some girl in the corner so their gossip hungry minds make up little stories. I would probably laugh in their face if they actually asked me and then explain unfortunately I’m hetro but I don’t mind if they want to keep their fantasy, cos hey, you gotta have something to think about when your having a wank.

SoMe oF MY FaVe QueeR FiLMS
The Celluloid Closet – very illuminating and funny too, I love the secret of Ben Hur
The Crying Game – thriller with humour and a touch of sadness. I love the end.
Gods and Monsters – another sad but cool film about a friendship between and old gay guy and a young straight guy
The Sum of Us – aussie film about a dad and his gay son, I remember a really straight guy say after watching it “I wish my dad was like that”
Better than Chocolate – a film about family and sexuality and life, cool canadian film.
GoFish – one of the first lesbian films I saw in the cinema, saw it with a friend, I've still got a my GoFish promo, a removable tattoo (wonder what id get for it on ebay) Brings up boundaries, who you fuck, and that feeling you get the morning after you get laid
Sick – a film about a guy who’s queerness is hetro but twisted. His search for pain with his mistress and his life with cystic fibrosis. Inspiring but sometimes painful to watch, especially when he nails his cock to piece of wood.

Even though its old, here’s the
Queers in 2005 comics according to prism comics:
Midnighter and Apollo in The Authority (great comic), sort of superman and batman style superheroes, who went underground, when they finally resurfaced they where a couple. There was a great part when Apollo was beating the crap out of some bad guy while the guy was calling him a poof, Apollo then left him at the mercies of midnighter, who was holding a jackhammer!
A comic called ExMachina touched on the topic of queer marriage, with the main character Mayor Hundred marrying 2 firemen cos he promised the fire department whatever they wanted after Sept 11.
In the excellent comic Runaways, Karolina who’s also coming to terms with her alien origin, comes out, but then finds out before they died her parents promised her in marriage to a Skrull (an alien) but luckily for her when she tells him she’s into girls he shape-changes into a her. gender doesn’t really matter to shapechangers.
Colossus came out, (in ultimate xmen #65) and was going to the prom with Northstar.
Catwoman was the big news that actually got into the newspapers (it must’ve been a slow news day)

SLuT

2007-06-13T17:28:00.001+10:00

an interesting thing from here
http://tomatonation.com/?p=592

A Four-Letter Word
Slut — 1: a slovenly woman : SLATTERN 2a: a lewd woman; esp : PROSTITUTE b: a saucy girl : MINX

Ah, "slut." A compact little word, forceful even in the way it sounds, starting out with a hissing sibilant and pushing off of the tongue through the L and U, and then that nastily crisp T. "Slut." Say it a few times out loud. Roll it around in your mouth. "Sssslut." "Sss…lllut." Say it again. Notice that it's difficult — almost impossible, in fact — to pronounce it neutrally. It's got a sneer built into it, that word. It's not as twangy and unthreatening as "tramp." It's not as easy to yell as "whore." "Whore" is built for screaming rage and dishes flying through the air, with a nice gusty H at the front and a big old roaring R bringing up the rear. Not "slut," though. "Slut" is muttered. "Slut" is whispered. "Whore" comes in like a punch, but "slut" tingles, like a slap. "Slut" hides behind the teeth. "Slut" is for when your back is turned.

"Slut" is for when you don't act like a lady. "Slut" is for when you sit with your legs apart. "Slut" is for when you wear it short, tight, without a bra, cut up high and down low and around the side, because, see, "slut" is also for when you have the nerve to enjoy your body in front of women who hate their own bodies. Don't strut. Don't dance with soul, or lick your lips. Don't look too good; don't think you look too good. Digging your own self is slutty. Making your own good time is slutty. Who do you think you are, anyway? Knees together, slut.

"Slut" is for when you forget to hate and fear boys. "Slut" is for when you talk to them, flirt with them, hang out with them and watch kung fu movies, pretend they don't suck at guitar, sit on their laps, cut their hair. "Slut" is for when you don't remember that you can't have a male friend unless he's your brother or gay, because your male friends want to fuck you, and you can't handle that. "Slut" is liking sports and belches and messy apartments — or, rather, "liking" those things, because you couldn't really like those things. You just pretend to like them so that you can get attention from men, because you have no personality of your own, and even if you did, men only want you for your action anyway. That's pathetic. Get a life, slut.

"Slut" is for when, in spite of everything you've learned from Cosmo and your sorority sisters, you just love men, for when you want to look at them and talk about them and burrow your nose into their necks and lick them from head to toe and hop right on them when they walk in the door like that scene from Raising Arizona where Holly Hunter clings to Nicolas Cage like a wood tick. Ugh. That's so undignified. That's so unfeminine. "Slut" is for walking down the street and talking to a friend on your cell phone and watching a cute boy walk past in the opposite direction and looking at him and looking away and looking back and then turning around in mid-sentence to keep looking. "Slut" is for thinking of stubble burn and biting your lip. "Slut" is for remembering the way your first true love used to pin you up against his car door and flushing clear up to the roots of your hair. "Slut" is for big hands and deep voices. "Slut" is for on top of you and under you and behind you, in the closet, on the floor, under the piano. "Slut" is for liking it. "Slut" is for wanting it. "Slut" is for going after it. Men hunt, women gather; men chase, women wait. Look it up, slut.

"Slut" is for kissing boys with tongue. "Slut" is for kissing lots of different boys with tongue. "Slut" is for craving kissing lots of different boys with tongue. That's not right, you know. It says so in the Bible, and in social hygiene films. "Slut" is for loving sex. "Slut" is for needing sex. "Slut" is for thinking sex isn't shameful. Sex is for married people, for diamond owners, for nice girls in twin sets whose mothers hid the Erica Jong, for people totally and completely, like, in total and complete love, and it takes place behind closed doors, with the lights out. Sex isn't fun. Sex isn't casual. Sex is a deadly serious, disgusting, dirty, degrading business. Just lie there. Don't move around. Don't use your fingernails or moan or anything; that's slutty. Don't get on top. Don't go down. Going down is really slutty, especially if you like it as much as he does. Ew. That's so gross. Only a slut would like that. That's so sickening. I bet you masturbate, too. Ew, I can't even think about that. That's so foul — touching yourself down there like that? That's — well, it's dirty and sticky and gross, dude! Nobody does that. Well, boys do, but that's different.

"Slut" is for sex outside a committed relationship. Sex outside a committed relationship is a cry for help. It means you have no self-respect, obviously. You're, like, a total nympho, man. I can't believe you would even do that. God. Don't talk about it. Don't think about it. Don't miss it. Don't daydream about doing it with Josh Hartnett in a waterfall. I mean — yuck. That's totally slutty. Are you, like, desperate or something? Why else would you just have sex with a guy? That's so wrong. You're so wrong. You're such a slut.

"Slut" is for fucking on the first date, giving head instead of your number, not caring if he calls, caring if he calls but fucking another guy to pass the time. You do that stuff, well, clearly you're a slut. What's even worse? You, like, enjoy it. It's so show-offy, too. Like, "look at me, I think I'm a guy," like Samantha on Sex & The City, like, get over yourself, hon. And, I mean, Samantha brings home at least one new guy every week, but she's, like, obviously so miserable and empty inside because she never settles down. Don't you want to get married? How do you ever expect to get married if you keep slutting around? You have to save yourself. I mean, no man's going to want you if you've slept with, like, a million other guys before him. You're used. You're dirty. He'll fuck you, but he'll never bring you home to his mother, because you didn't stay pure and go to bed only with guys you loved. And you can't have more experience than your husband; that's just not done. What if he gets insecure about it? You'll scare him off. You don't want that, do you?

And you've probably got diseases. I bet you don't even use protection. Remember? How you have no self-respect? And don't use condoms and birth control, because you just want guys to like you, so you just fuck them? That's so sad. I feel really sorry for you. Yeah, you say you enjoy it, but it's just a compulsion, and it's pitiful, really.

Just stay away from my man, okay? Don't even talk to him. Women have to look out for each other, because men would never look out for us, because we don't deserve their respect and fidelity. We women have to stick together. If he steps out on me with you, that's not his fuck-up. It's yours. I mean, you're the slut here. You obviously came onto him all barracuda-style and lured him into bed, so I blame you completely. So just don't even go over there to talk to him. He'd never treat me right, and if I left you two alone, something would happen.

God, I can't even look at you. You just prance around acting all carefree like you don't care what happens, like it doesn't matter, like you have the right to sleep with whomever you want or something — you make me ill! I hate you! Fuck you, slut!

If you found yourself nodding along in sincere agreement with any of what's written above, you have a serious, serious problem and need to report to your nearest therapist for a course of self-esteem rehabilitation and double-standard deprogramming. The rest of you may continue to wear your sluttishness with pride. Here endeth the lesson.

And thank you, Dr. Weston.
You know, your mother doesn't know everything.
Please slut responsibly.

WeT ST.KiLDa

2007-06-05T15:28:00.001+10:00

this will be when the gentrificating wankers finally leave st kilda

TaSKS

2007-06-05T15:23:00.002+10:00

THe TaSKS HaVe STaRTeD

$2 coins are no longer legal tender for me, and will be put in a money box to be opened in 6 months (december)

"QuieT THe..."

2007-06-05T15:20:00.001+10:00

an explaination of the "quiet the...." tasks
as explained by my old friend Mr.J

Tasks of Nu.

Quiet the spirit.
Spend a day performing tasks of a zen or rudimentary nature. Approach only tasks that reward with barely perceptible purification, that do NOT benefit any one person in particular or that were necessary because of any one person in particular. A relevant example: sweeping the sidewalk ... it wasn't dirtied by any one person, nor will any one person feel guilty upon seeing you do it having not done it themselves. Also avoid tasks, pass-times or situations which could provoke an emotional response. Examples: music, literature, audio-visual entertainment, unnecessary human interaction etc.

Quiet the tongue.
Spend a day without speaking unnecessarily. Exceptions: performing tasks which REQUIRE a conversational interchange, ie. “May I have half a kilo of King Island Blue cheese please?” or “Excuse me miss but look out for that fast approaching bus.” or “I'm sorry but I am attempting to avoid speaking today, please don't be offended.” etc etc etc.

Quiet the mind.
For one entire day one must attempt to silence unnecessary thoughts. One must genuinely attempt up to four hours of meditation, the simplest of which will now be explained: Seat yourself in a comfortable chair or sitting position in a quiet area or room. Close your eyes and concentrate on your breaths, notice them occurring and begin to count each exhalation. Once a count of nine is reached one starts again from one. The object is to reach a state of sleep-like rest whilst remaining conscious. If you find yourself counting 11 .. 12 ... 13 simply re-center yourself and start again. To advance the exercise, try having your eyes open and focusing on one spot, or try the exercise in a busy and/or not-so-quiet area. Make no mistake ... true meditation is a trance-like state where your perception of reality, your surroundings, your very self melts away and you become nothing. Even achieving a few seconds of a true meditative state is absolute bliss and will change your outlook on life forever.

Quiet the desires.
Today is the day that you must satisfactorily appease ones desires. Where one would normally skimp because of whatever reason you must assault ones needs with much more than would normally be necessary to be satiate. One must also attempt to expend minimal effort to accomplish this. For example: You feel hunger ... have an extravagant meal (preferably purchased and delivered to you), a meal of a magnitude which would nauseate the likes of Emperor Nero. If a desire exists that is difficult to appease then focus on the next best thing. You are the center of your reality, show it you mean business. Battle your desires for one whole day, throw everything you have at them, for they hold a bounty of information about yourself.

BoGaN BuRGeR

2007-06-01T15:14:00.001+10:00

At The Napier hotel in Fitzroy they have the 100% aussie bogan burger
It contains:
a steak
a chicken shnitzel
a potato cake
bacon
egg
cheese
pineapple
onion
beetroot

its 13cm high and has 94 grams of fat

YUM!!!!!!

DeaTH & TaSKS

2007-05-18T15:15:00.003+10:00

GReBOs TaSKS
After 3 deaths in less than 6 months I decided to live my life more and get out of the same old shit I've been doing, but I was unsure of how to do it so I asked my friends to give me 5 tasks each and I will try to do eat least 3 of them. they are listed above my links
when i have completed one it will be marked as completed
the first completion starts the rest of them.....

So WRoNG

2007-05-18T15:02:00.001+10:00

another wrong thing

hes a poser cos its the updated re-released version, not an original

FooT FuCKeR

2007-05-18T15:01:00.002+10:00

its so wrong i want it....

2007-05-18T14:22:00.000+10:00

BaD PiCK uP LiNeS
"If you and i were squirrels could i bust a nut in your hole?"
"I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag"

GeTTiNG oLD
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened

QueSTioNWhy do psychics have to ask your name?

Lee HaRVeY oSWaLD
tweak her nipple while you thumb her vagina & lick her ass at the same time
(it looks like your aiming a sniper rifle)

SCieNCe FaCT
A mans saliva fills with testosterone when hes horny. kissing can pass it on making the woman hornier

2007-05-18T13:47:00.000+10:00

2007-05-10T23:01:00.000+10:00

NuDe & NaTuRe

Annual World Naked Gardening Day
we just missed it but the next ones saturday may 3, 2008
http://www.wngd.org/
heres my contribution

the angry garden gnome

2007-05-10T22:39:00.000+10:00

WoT A LoaD oF WaNK!

go to san francisco on may 26th for the 2007 Masturbate-a-thon competitions include:
- Longest Squirt Distance -
An area of the porn palace will be set up so that participants can compete for longest squirting/ejaculation distance. This will be a mixed gender event and whoever goes the fluid distance wins!
- Longest Time Masturbating -
How long can people masturbate? Well the current record is over 8 hours. Bend your gender expectations; that participant was 100% male. Winners will be awarded in as many gender categories as are appropriate.
- Most Orgasms -
Multiple orgasms aren't just for chicks. The Masturbate-a-thon record for most male orgasms is 6! Of course, women are a little ahead in this game with a record of 49 orgasm in a single masturbate-a-thon event. Wow! Men, women and any other declared gender category will compete for their own multi-orgasmic titles.
- Tag Team Fun -
This is a tag team race like you have never seen. The no-touching-others rule is suspended while team tag each other for a place change in the masturbation arena.
http://www.masturbate-a-thon.com/index.php

Viennese Sex Hotline to Help Library

A novel idea for municipal fundraising involves an Austrian actress reading from works of erotic literature.For the benefit of lonely people who hide with old books in the rear stacks -- or anyone who likes literate smut -- Vienna City Hall now runs an "Eros-hotline" to benefit its main library.Through May callers can pay €0.39 (53 US cents) per minute to hear an actress read from classic and modern erotic literature. Anne Bennent, an Austrian stage and film star, reads passages from the library's so-called "Secreta" collection of erotic fiction from the 18th, 19th and 20th centuries.Callers will hear hot and heavy passages from German-language writers like Hans Carl Artmann, Annemarie Weber and Ferdinand Lasalle; or writers in German translation like Anaïs Nin."So far 158 people have phoned up," Vienna Library spokeswoman Suzie Wong told an Austrian news agency on Monday. "They've spent around 660 minutes on the phone."The hotline has been in operation since April 4. The idea is to raise money for an expansion and remodelling of the city's main public library.

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,481710,00.html

2007-05-09T22:24:00.000+10:00

QuoTe FRoM JoaN JeTT
"i buy every dirty magazine in the world. I like to read them. I do... a lot of the magazines have really good articles. I always buy Hustler cause their tasteless"

i think im in love

2007-05-05T22:08:00.000+10:00

BiG BRoTHeR '07
i promised my self i wouldnt watch any of it this year, i thought it would be easy, cos i dont have a tv, but what happens, i actually know one of the housemates.
Jamie (the chubby nerd) worked at the same porno shop as me for about a year. unless hes had a personality transplant he is sooooooo playing them all for idiots. but from what ive heard hes doing a bad job. i could sell info about him that would get him evicted the next week but i want to see how far he goes cos hes not the usual wanky housemate.

WHaT iT FeeLS LiKe

http://bitchyjones.wordpress.com/2007/04/17/what-it-feels-like-to-hurt-a-man-until-it-makes-you-have-an-orgasm/

best lines:
I like it when he screams into my mouth.
Like?
I *adore* it when he screams into my mouth

2007-05-05T22:00:00.000+10:00

DeaTH
my cousin died this week, he was around my age. i havent seen him for years, i feel numb. its the 3rd death for me so far this year. it sux
ive heard people who cut themselves say that they do it to feel something, thats how i feel. lucky ive got 24 hour a day headaches to make me feel something, or id be acting like a 16 year old emo kid

2007-05-03T22:10:00.000+10:00

GRRRR!
Dont you hate it when your horny and its the week your doing extra hours at work.

2007-04-29T22:02:00.000+10:00

BiBLe
i went to the fetish club Abode recently with some friends
we found the hidden bible, my friend was reading from it out loud in the whipping area while half naked, when she stopped reading it, a couple canoodling on a skool desk nearby asked her to not stop, they were getting off on it!
bloody ex-catholics

2007-04-28T18:45:00.000+10:00

CoNFeSSioN
i am a nipple slut
if you use them right
im yours

2007-04-28T18:08:00.000+10:00

RePuTaTioN
I was gunna write a big blog entry about how I was rejected because of my “reputation” by someone, it really annoyed me cos its based on nothing but this persons imagination. it stuck in my head for days, what the fuck did she mean, all the other shit was okay I realized it was bullshit and she just didn’t want to fuck, but for some reason my brain kept hold of the reputation thing and it stuck. But then I week or so later I saw her leave a club with one of the biggest man sluts I know. I actually felt relieved, the reputation thing was crap, it was just another piece of bullshit spilling forth from her young mouth. I feel okay now, finally my brains accepted that it was all bullshit.

THe FuCKeD-uPNeSS oF aLCoHoL iN MY LiFe
I am painfully shy and without it booze to relax me id be fucked when I go out, but when I drink everything gets weirdly amplified, I’m very sociable but I also have lapses into shyness and act like a bumbling idiot around certain people.
The worst part is the next day. Lack of sleep and a hangover always make me really emotional, and I become a big wuss. Anything that happened the night is blown up massively in my head and becomes a big drama. I’m usually alone too so I wonder when I’m ever gunna get laid again, even if it wasn’t that long since the last one. I get really fucking lonely, I fear that I’m gunna die alone, its all a bit crazy. I’ve almost given it up many times. It’s the fucked-upness of alcohol in my life

SCaReY MaN
Something weird happens sometimes when I’m out, I’m just being me, drinking, boogying, doing my thing, just there for a good time. Someone introduces me to their lady friend they’ve just met or are trying to get into the pants of. I say hello, be nice, try let out much of my usually perverted shit that I talk. A couple of minutes after I leave, I look back the guys still there, but the chicks gone.
Was it me that scared them away? Am I the scary man?
When I was at school I was constantly told “I’d hate to meet you in a dark alley” or “If I was walking down the street and you were behind me I’d be shit scared”, when they said this it wasn’t the usual school age bullshit, these guys were being honest.
I’m the scary man.
When I don’t shave for a few days I notice women looking at me, is it the scary man appeal? Maybe I should do acting stuff and be the scary guy in films, I've already done a part in a friends horror film as a murderer from upstairs with a knife who’s covered in blood. How can I make money out of my scariness without doing illegal stuff?

GuYS & aTTaCHeD WoMeN
Often when I go out I spend the night chatting with people I know, but I noticed lately a lot of the time recently its guys or women with boyfriend/husbands/fiancees. When I’m talking to some chick and she slips in something about her boyfriend into the conversation I feel like asking her to buy me a drink, when she asks why ill say its cos she’s just taken 5 minutes of my life away that ill never get back, but id have to be pretty drunk/horny/frustrated to do that. Maybe its cos their boyfriends not there they know that a guy'll only talk to them if he thinks their single, but then they feel guilty so the drop the BF bomb. Why are single women who I've never met avoiding me? Is it the scary man thing? Is it my non existent reputation? These girls think they’ve got their freak on but get scared when a real freaks in their midst who’s not a standard drug fucked man slut. Its all a bit weird!

GaY GReBo SHoCK
A strange little story from a few years ago. I knew some people who ran a club, I used to go to it a lot, id see other people in the same situation (friends with club running people).
It was the last night of a club and I was chatting to one girl id know for over 5 years who was a regular. I mentioned something about an ex girlfriend, she looked shocked. I asked her why and she said she thought I was gay. I’d know her over 5 years! I think it was because she’d never heard rumors or stories about me or seen me leaving with someone. It was funny but it still made me wonder how she really came to that conclusion, I never got to ask her and haven’t seen her for years. I still think its pretty funny. It’s a pity she had a long term boyfriend, I could’ve shown her how wrong she was J

HoW To KiCK STaRT YouR CreaTiViTY
Have 24 hour a day headaches for 3 years, that doctors are unable to fix or even tell you what’s causing it
Have 2 friends die within a couple of months of each other, both suddenly.
While mucking around at a party fuck up your ribs so bad that you have to get your them x-rayed and your spleen ultrasounded
Get fuck all sleep because of the rib pain if you move
Add vodka
Then a tiny drop of a minor disappointment at a nightclub
And boom!
You have fucked up mix that’ll bring forth all your fucked up emotions out and kick start your creative vibes into a supercharged fucked up beautiful chaos melstrom

WaReHouSe & THe CaT
As I write this im spending my last few hours at a warehouse of a friend. Ive been looking after it for a month. Its been bliss. Ive been living alone with only a cat to keep me company. The cats been sleeping next to my head at night and sending me to sleep with its purring. Ive done 2 painting within 2 weeks and ive written some stuff. But now I gotta go back the chaos of a shared flat. Blaaargh.
I need to find a better job, a fulltime job, cos then I could live alone.
But id like to thank MrD for letting me stay here, its been bliss. If your reading this, thanks dude.

CoMiC ReVieW
I just finished Bone by Jeff Smith. Fucking amazing comic, the whole things in one volume, it took me ages to read its 1332 pages. But fell worth the read. I love a comic that takes me ages to read, cos then I get fully engrossed in the story. It’s the story of the 3 Bone cousins, Fone, Phoney & Smiley, and their trip after they get run out of Boneville. Its got rats creatures, dragons, magic, war, locust kings, ted the bug, and even cow racing. Its won heaps of awards around the world. If you get a chance check it out cos it’ll take a while but you wont be disappointed when you finish it.

2007-04-19T17:32:00.001+10:00

spanky spanky articles

--------------
Spanking fetish makes men happier:
Bondage and discipline may actually make men happier, according to the first national survey of Australian fetish habits.The new sex study has revealed that two per cent of Australian men and 1.4 per cent of women admit to enjoying dominance, submission and sadomasochism-type sex in the past year.But researchers involved in the phone survey of 20,000 people say they expect many more Australians to be engaging in the practice but unwilling to label it BDSM (bondage, discipline, domination and submission)."There will definitely be more men and women who have sexual tastes in this direction but won't call it this," said Dr Juliet Richters, of the University of New South Wales."They might not like sex magazines but they just happen to like being tied up and spanked as part of foreplay."Ask them if they're into BDSM they'll say 'Yuck, no'."The survey results, to be presented at the World Association of Sexual Health congress in Sydney this week, give the first snapshot of Australians involved in bondage behaviour.These fetishes were most common among gay, lesbian and bisexual people and heterosexuals who are "bi-interested", said Dr Richters, the lead researcher.In women, BDSM was most popular among under 20-year-olds and those who had a partner they didn't live with. There were no age or relationship trends in men, she said.People who engaged in the habit were more likely to be sexually adventurous in other ways, like trying anal sex and phone sex, looking at internet pornography or using sex toys."These are people for whom sex is a hobby," Dr Richters said.They were no more likely to have suffered sexual difficulties, sexual abuse or coercion or anxiety than other Australians.In fact, says Dr Richters, men into BDSM scored significantly better on a scale of psychological wellbeing than other men."This seems to imply that these men are actually happier as a result of their behaviour, though we're not sure why," she said."It might just be that they're more in harmony with themselves because they're into something unusual and are comfortable with that."There's a lot to be said for accepting who you are."At the other end of the spectrum - least happy - were men who reported being attracted to men but had never acted on their desire and didn't regard themselves as gay.Researchers said the study helps break down the reigning stereotype that people into bondage and discipline were damaged as children and were therefore "dysfunctional"."We really found that BDSM is simply a sexual interest or subculture attractive to a minority, not a pathological symptom of past abuse or difficulty with 'normal' sex," Dr Richters said."They've just got a broader and more unusual sexual repertoire than most."
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Fifty Reasons to Spank Your Wife or Girlfriend
The post is aimed at the gentlemen out there. In particular, I’d like to direct my comments to the reluctant spankers. You know who you are. Your partner expressed an interest in being spanked, but she’s having a difficult time convincing you to do it. Your concerns – chivalry, lack of comprehension, potential impact on your relationship, or a desire to protect her – are quite understandable. Her request was unexpected and you probably weren’t prepared to answer the question at the moment she posed it.Let’s take a big step back and look again at the subject from a slightly different vantage point. I can offer you fifty reasons why you might want to take her across your lap and indulge her dreams.
1. The lovemaking afterward is often sensational
2. Romantic spanking opens lines of communications
3. There’s a community of spankos to provide support and advice
4. Adult spanking is the most common of all kinks
5. It can strengthen your relationship
6. Just picture those beautiful globes over your lap...
7. She's eager for this, really!
8. Compared to childbirth, the pain of a spanking is trivial
9. This is not punishment, think instead about spanking as foreplay
10. Spanking builds trust between partners
11. It's really OK to hit a woman, but only if she enjoys it
12. This isn't weird or unusual, it's just another kind of sex
13. You can be the strong, decisive man of her fantasies
14. What's not to like?
15. Do the initials B. J. hold any significance?
16. Many couples include erotic spanking in their lovemaking
17. Her dream can be your pleasure
18. It's something fun you can do together
19. You could make it a game
20. Spankings can relax her
21. If you don’t believe me, ask any other dedicated spanko
22. Role play spankings are great fun
23. If something doesn’t work, you don’t have to repeat it
24. It isn’t about the pain, it’s about a shared experience
25. This opens an exciting new chapter in your relationship
26. Spankings promote greater physical and emotional intimacy
27. Your willingness to try demonstrates your love for her
28. It's wonderful to feel completely in love again
29. With a safeword, she can tell you before things go truly wrong
30. She's your lover - It's OK if your fingers wander southward
31. The process of experimentation allows a couple to grow together
32. It’s with you she wants to share this secret
33. Spankings don’t have to be serious – You can laugh and joke
34. Most women’s bottoms are well padded - real damage is unlikely
35. Consensual spanking is not abuse
36. Spanking is a huge turn-on for her – That can only be good for you!
37. She won’t think that you’re mean if you’re doing as she asked
38. You could get her to dress up for her spanking
39. With a few simple rules, adult spankings are safe and fun
40. Women are tougher than you think
41. You can be her hero!
42. You'll love how her skin grows warm and pink
43. Hugs and kisses
44. It’s wonderful to spoon after a spanking
45. Make her smile – tease her about future spankings
46. You can start small and simple
47. She'll adore you all the more for listening to her needs
48. Haven't you always wanted to threaten to "tan her hide?"
49. It’s fun to collect and test various spanking implements
50. If she didn't agree, she wouldn't have shown you this list!

2007-04-19T17:19:00.000+10:00

i WaNT THiS TSHiRT

GiRL GaMeRS

i found this amusing story here

http://www.erosblog.com/2007/04/16/gamer-girlfriends/

In a MMORPG forum I frequent, there was the usual bitching about unfixed game bugs, and the usual tired “I can’t wait until [Hot New Game] comes out so I can put this crap game behind me” complaint.
To which one fellow responded: Just like breaking up with a girlfriend for the little things. The next girl will have the same problems. {laughing}
I liked the response from the next poster: Euch! The next one’s gonna smell of cheese and have a hairy chest too?

-------------

THiS WouLD HuRT

McCandless girl, 17, wounded by boyfriend

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

A 17-year-old McCandless girl was accidentally shot by her boyfriend Sunday while the two were engaged in "bedroom activities," police said.Timothy Madden, 23, of Ross, was charged with aggravated assault, reckless endangerment and corruption of a minor.The incident occurred just before 1 p.m. at Madden's residence in the Chateau Perry Apartments at 951 Perry Highway, said Ross senior detective and public information officer William Barrett."They were engaged in some bizarre activities in his bedroom," Barrett said. "The gun, we believe, accidentally discharged."The girl, who, as a juvenile, was not identified by police, was wounded in the groin with a .45-caliber handgun and was taken to an undisclosed hospital

http://www.postgazette.com/pg/05060/464503.stm

2007-04-16T17:26:00.000+10:00

one of my favourite parts of chasing amy
as told by Hooper X about racism in starwars

"Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy! Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother man down - even in a galaxy far, far away. Check this shit! You got cracker farm-boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy - blond hair, blue eyes. And then you've got Darth Vader: the blackest brother in the galaxy. Nubian God.Now Vader, he's a spiritual brother, with the force and all that shit. Then this cracker Skywalker gets his hands on a light-saber, and the boy decides he's gonna run the fucking universe - gets a whole Klan of whites together, and they're gonna bust up Vader's hood the Death Star. Now what the fuck do you call that!Gentrification! They're gonna drive our the black element, to make the galaxy quote, unquote safe' for white folks.Jedi's the most insulting installment, because Vader's beautiful, black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty white man! They're trying to tell us that deep inside, we all want to be white!

2007-04-16T17:08:00.000+10:00

QuoTe oF THe WeeK
from the band BLOOD DUSTER
“Homosexuality is the new black. Get down with the brown or get out of town”

You ThiNK iTS oVeR But….
I’m going to court on Wednesday, the fuckers who robbed and bashed me years ago at a previous porn shop are finally going to court down here after doing time in Qld. When I was told its like my brains been peeled back and all the shit from after the robbery has come flooding back, which isn’t pleasant when you have had 24 hours a day headaches for the past 3 years, a recently fucked up rib area, lack of sleep from the rib injury, and other various personal shit. My emotions are more fucked up than they’ve ever been before. At the moment life sucks and if it wasn’t for my friends and family I’d probably go mental.

WoT i’M ReaDiNG aT MoMeNT

Best Sex Writing 2006, edited by Felice Newman & Frédérique Delacoste:
its not porn, it essays on the subject of sex, very easy to read and interesting subject matter that are as diverse as s&m and people of colour to anal fisting and its intimacy.
How to start your own secret society, by Nick Harding:
funny and also an insight into the way stuff structured in so called secret societies
Sex Parties 101 by Simon Sheppard:
pretty queercentric but a good read nice sense of humour and a few examples of good and bad stuff that’ll happen. Its given me few ideas to spice up mine and friends parties that have got a bit predictable lately, not necessarily rooting in the hallway stuff but things that’ll spice it up a notch or 2.
Speaking Sex To Power by Patrick Califia:
another good book by Pat, this ones non fiction and full of great articles about heaps of different things, opened my eyes to the fluidity of gender (pat’s a FTM trannie) and the usual blend of humour and down and dirty s&m.
Jim Goads GIGANTIC book of SEX:
from the author of the redneck manifesto and answer me comes a book that fucks with all the “sex positive” books around at the moment. Its hilarious and full with embaressing personal stuff about sex, rants about the sex industry and the workers within. Great book that’ll make you embarrassed and laugh yourself stupid at the same time.

No TV
In the flat I’m at, one of my flatmates put “his” tv in his room, leaving me and the other guy without a tv. Its isn’t that bad, we both worked weird hours, he gets to watch tv at work sometimes and I've been reading heaps. The only time I've watched anything worth watching was on my days off. Me and the other tv-less guy had been listening to cds, and the radio in the lounge. I get to see what’s in the news at work in the newspapers. Then a friend asked me to look after his warehouse for a month. He doesn’t have a tv, not that fussed, got a good stereo and space to do paintings and stuff. Fuck id like to live in a place this big for this cheap. So I haven’t had a tv for a month and bit, its no big loss, I get pissed off that I cant watch dvds, but no biggie.

PaiN, DraMaS & STuFF
Thurs. night: party at friends place, wore a tshirt that has the words “stacks on me” on it. Was jumped on about 4 times, ow!
Fri.: ate hangover food, tried to paint, my ribs hurt
Sat: worked 9am-6pm, blaaargh, ribs on left side hurt
(EASTER)
Sun: daytime, family picnic, played soccer with nephews and nieces, gym has finally paid off, not puffed out. My ribs still hurt
Sun: Night, clubbing, tied 3 friends to an A frame and whipped and spanked them, they loved it. My ribs hurt
Mon.: hangover curing junk food, my ribs still hurt, cant sleep properly, when I wake up I cant get back to sleep cos of pain.
Tues.: went to doctor, he sent me to hospital, told to come back tomorrow for a ultrasound of my spleen and a rib x-ray. Took night off work, cant sleep properly 'cos ribs hurt when I lie down.
Wed: went to hospital at 8am, got spleen checked and x-ray done, worked late that night 6pm-10pm, really knackered, still sore
Thurs.: didn’t do volunteer work, went to doctor to get results, they didn’t find anything, he thinks its internal bruising, still not sleeping properly, getting grumpy, worked 6-10
Fri.: day off, still sore, went to net café, met up with friend, Dr.P, down from uk at the tote and talked about life, the universe, reality, philosophers, bands, queer stuff, the uk, tv, women, hotties, knobheads, money, work, etc etc, (I’m so jealous of her life in the uk), went to club later, friend from uk was fun but had drama with another girl, blah blah. I don’t do games so don’t offer the cake if your gunna give it to someone else. I also get pissed off when people don’t get that you can have a friend of the opposite sex and its not sexual. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Got home 4am, did a painting 'til 6.30am cos its great to paint when your emotions are fucked. Still hard to get to sleep even though I have alcohol as a painkiller
Sat: recovering from night before, only had 4 hours sleep. Met up with old friend, chatted about last night. good to talk it out but I sometimes think she doesn’t get my lifestyle. She’s been in relationships as much as I havn't, so sometimes I think she doesn’t understand what its like to be alone for so long that you are happy to get any sort of affection. She’s one of my oldest friends and tells me when I’m being a knob and helps keep me grounded, she is one of the few anchors in my life. if your reading this, luv ya miss J. Ended up meeting up with another friend, Ms.S, in the city, she was at a Bi Vic meeting, had a drink and chat, I think they thought I was bi, but unfortunately not, I just a plain old hetro. I think I was being checked out and flirted with but its always harder when its directed at me. But I met some way cool people including a fellow comic nerd and a cute trannie (who my friend has the hots for I think). went home like a zombie and crashed out after some food.
Sunday: work 10am-6pm, I fucking hate my job today, I used to like it but now it sucks. Some old guy gave me a dirty look when I greeted him when he came in, I wanted to smash his wrinkly face in. that's when I decide I've had too much and I’m gunna quit doing weekends, I’m telling them tomorrow. Its scarey but feels right. I’m gunna get a new job, but what, I have no idea

5 ALBuMs THaT MeaN SoMeTHiNG To Me
pop will eat itself – box frenzy
the album that set me on the path to grebo. The weird samples, crazy beats, mad guitars and strange sense of humour appealed to me, from there I went on to other acts of the time such as cock rock greatness of Zodiac Mindwarp & the Love Reaction or the psychedelic nuttiness of Gaye Bykers On Acid. From pwei I was exposed to many other great acts, and even the great films of Darren Aronovsky (clint poppie does the soundtracks).

lion and the cobra – sinead oconnor
this album began my love of angry female singers, the anger that no one could hold back, the pissed off attitude with the voice of an angel. The woman who took no shit and didn’t care what others thought. The sound of someone who could rip your head off 5 minutes after fucking your brains out. It lead me to Skunk Anansie, MyRuin, Arch Enemy and even Peaches. It began my love of women with attitude who stood up for themselves and didn’t deny their anger as a dangerous male thing. its was my angry feminist awakening. It also started my love of women with short hair.

it takes a nation of millions to hold us back – public enemy
this album gave me my first taste of hip hop and politics. I still love good hip hop and s good booty shaking bass. I've got lots of respect for hip hop artists who don’t use clichés and talk shit. It turned me onto acts from across the planet, and my love of uk hip hop with the more political edge than the USA grew, with acts like Gunshot or Fundamental. I even like a bit of james brown or barry white is the moods right.
With this album my politics became more of a reality and its one of the things that made me the anarchist I am today

a mind is a terrible thing to taste – ministry
this album started my love with the more extreme industrial metal stuff, with the politics it was a lethal mix, it made me angry and I loved it. Helped me get into stuff by any of their side projects or fugazi, steve albini, nine inch nails, pitchshifter, killing joke, strapping young lad, etc.

the unbearable lightness of being a dickhead – mr floppy
the australian album that made me laugh years ago and still does now. Its great fucked up stuff with a retarded sense of humour. I saw them live heaps and no one since has done it as good as them.

2007-04-07T20:26:00.000+10:00

Useful Expressions
from RecSex
by Em & Lo

Bear Market : a bar, party or other mingling spot with unfavorable pick up conditions
Bull Market : a bar, party or other mingling spot with favorable pick up conditions
Binge Fucking : overloading on casual sex usually before an occasion with an unfavorable booty forecast (also Carnal Loading or Storing Nuts)
Body Count : the total number if individuals with whom someone has slept with
Booty Budge : short for booty budget, the money you spend on stuff in the pursuit of booty (also Booty Tax)
Bounce : a booty call that’s on hold but can be called on again after the end of a long term relationship.
Bread Crumb Trail : anything that will help you remember how you woke up naked next to someone. e.g. Text messages, photos on digital cameras, matchbooks or receipts, anything from the night before
BUT : bi-curious until 30
Buyers Remorse : waking up after a casual encounter and not liking what you see
Collectible : someone you sleep with of a certain category or type they fulfill, also known as the “before-I-die” fuck.
Cuddle Party : a nonsexual , judgment-free space to explore, touch, intimacy, and affection with a bunch of strangers, basically a orgy with the fucking replaced by cuddling
Doing It For Science : engaging in a sexual activity you want to see why its like
Drive Thru : stopping by for a quickie then continuing on with your journey or a person who’s easy sexually (they’re open for late night business)
Dry Run : when you go home with someone but don’t go all the way
Economies of Scale : the theory that the more you put yourself out there the better you’ll do. Instead of approaching 5 people and getting 3 rejections you approach 50 you’ll get more numbers even with the rejections
Equal Opportunity Objectification : when women get in on the ogling game
Evangelism : sex as a tool of change, when you try to change a partners opinions/religion/philosophy/music tastes, so you can continue to fuck them (also sleeping with the enemy)
Evidence : all the stuff lying around your apartment that could significantly diminish your chances of getting laid
Fad Sex : position, sexual activity or accessory that experiences a sudden popularity increase due to a celebrity endorsement, magazine article, or appearance on hit TV show
Foreign Accent : the perfect accessory for a one night stand
Friends with Benefits : a kinder gentler term for fuck buddy
Friend Zone : a pigeon hole you place someone in from the 3 main categories, potential relationship, potential hookup or friend zone (a booty blackhole)
Fuck’n’Chuck : postcoital breakup
Fucksimile : a person you sleep with because they remind you of someone you really want to fuck
Google-gänger : someone who shares your name and is frequently mistaken for you by new acquaintances with a google habit
Google Goggles : the rose tinted glasses through which one views a new lover after a extensive internet search on them reveals very impressive results
Grief Therapy : any kind of sensual or sexual embrace that gives one comfort to take your mind off the grief your feeling (a mercy fuck, post traumatic sex)
Groucho Marx Syndrome : not wanting to belong to a club that wants you as a member, wanting what you cant have, or disliking someone when you find out they like you
Hate Fucking : not sex with someone you dislike, its sex with someone you hate with every pore of your being.
Home Game : when you make convince your booty call to come to you so you don’t have to get leave your house (ordering in)
Home Team Advantage : when your own area (bedroom, house, bar etc.) helps get you laid or makes a lasting impression
I-Cant-Believe-Its-Not-Bonking : anything that feels as good as sex, including anal or oral – but isn’t.
I-Deserve-It-Sex : sex intended to boost your self confidence
I've-Still-Got-It-Sex : sex intended to prove to yourself that you’ve still got it
Jumping Sharks : the phrase refers to the moment when you should’ve called the relationship off. It refers to the Happy Days episode when the Fonz jumped over a shark on water skis, its usually applied to the moment when something in pop culture starts turning to shite
Just Friends : a defensive description of a supposedly platonic relationship, 'cos if you’re really “just friends” you’d be “friends”. It implies that your relationship is a little complicated
Layaway : investments of time, money, effort, etc., that you make in order to convince someone to sleep with you.
LUG : lesbian until graduation
Mercy Fuck : sex with someone your not into but you do it because you feel sorry for them
Metabolize : the process of getting an ex out of your system
Method Dating : adopting personality traits of a person you are seeing
Mickey : someone who will try anything once or someone who is narrow minded but then when finally gives into trying something they become obsessed with it
Nooner : sex at or around noon on a work day
Occasion Sex : sex that’s hot due to circumstance
Palate Cleanser : rebound sex that gets rid of the bad taste in your mouth left by an ex
Phoning It In : unremarkable sex where you’re just going through the motions just out of habit (boregasm)
Play D’oh! : a casual sex blooper
Playdar : the casual sex equivalent of gaydar
Plot Spoiler : the top of the g-string that pokes out of the top of the top of your hipsters
Prenook : casual sex equivalent of a pre-nup, basically its about honest communication about both peoples intentions and expectations
Primer : nonsexual foreplay with someone you are yet to fuck
Quarterlife Crisis : the 20 something version of the mid life crisis, usually when they have to get serious about work, relationships, etc.
Rain Check : a promise that an unclaimed offer of sex will be valid for a later date
Returning To The Well : sex with a previous partner, usually because they’re easy and your lazy (double dipping)
Schrödingers Cat : something that feels like a date but could be accurately described as a period of hanging out as a prelude to fucking
Sexile : someone who has been banished from their room/flat/houses their housemate can get it on
Sexpat : sex tourist
Sexpectations : sexual expectations
Sextra : something that exceeds your sexpectations or a sexual fringe benefit
Snack, to : to make out without the intention of doing anything
Suspension of Disbelief : the willingness of casual sex partners to suspend their critical faculties to the extent of ignoring minor realities (annoying personality traits, marital status, stds, etc.) so as to attempt to have sex like they do in the movies, passionately, acrobatically and without consequence.
Take-Me-Back Sex : sex during a closure get together, typically a few weeks to a month after a breakup.
Team Player : at a 3-way or orgy the person ensures the cd doesn’t skip, chips, dips and condoms are constantly replenished, that everyone understands the rules, no one is made to feel uncomfortable and each attendee gets a little of what they came for.
Temp Work : casual sex you have until a better, more permanent relationship comes along.
Terror Sex : as a country’s terror alert rises so do the bases. The more fear, the more likely you are to go further in a shorter time.
Third Base Coach : the new casual partner who is particularly vocal about giving specific direction and criticism during an early sexual encounter
Three-Way : making the beast with 6 legs
Tofu Boyfriend/Girlfriend : someone you go out with 'cos they go with everything or because you can bend them to your will and they will take on your flavour
You-Where-Wrong-To-Leave-Me Sex : it’s take-me-back sex when initiated by a realist. Its more acrobatic and less about eye contact, its to impress rather than bond.
Umfriend : an acquaintance of uncertain status, as in “this is my… um … friend”
Unicorn : any creature that is considered to be rare – or even mythical – in the world. For example, a sexy confident woman who really means it when she says prefers nice guys, a single guy with sense of style, humour and no commitment issues, etc.
Unilateral Casual Sex : having sex as if no one else is involved.
Walk of Shame/Fame : the return route to your residence the morning after an unexpected sleepover.

2007-04-07T20:15:00.000+10:00

i like this cartoon, it was at the Dole Diary blog (look at my links)

2007-04-07T20:07:00.000+10:00

NoT aLL R&B
I read recently that Janet Jackson likes to listen to nine inch nails during sex, but not all the time because, in her words, “you’d be bruised, cut up and a little raw”
Scary mental image there, but strangely trouser tightening

FuNNY QuoTe FRoM a DiRTY BooK
“… when he jizzed in her asshole, she drooled from her mouth like it was going right through her ass and down a tube to her throat.”

JaCK HaNDeY QuoTe
“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they’d never expect it”

WeiRD THiNGS LaTe aT NiGHT
I was catching a tram down st.kilda road recently and saw 2 possums wrestling in the middle of the road. They weren’t fucking, they were fighting. they seemed oblivious to the possibility of a car turning them into double roadkill. They looked up at the tram as I looked out at them. Weird

DreaM LooP
I had a couple of weird dreams recently
In one I was describing a dream to someone, the dream I was describing id never actually had outside of the dream. I was describing a dream I had about the actor colin farell, but then I realised I was actually telling colin farrell that I had a dream about him.
Was it a dream loop, was I telling him about the actual dream I was having?

SMeLLoViSioN
The other dream I had was that I could turn off my eyesight and see people with my sense of smell. They looked like multicloured clouds around a black shadow. Iwas telling people that with smellovision I could smell things way after theyd happened cos smells linger

PiCK uP LiNeS
-If you & i were squirrels could i bust a nut in your hole?
-Id like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!

SHaKeY LeG PeoPLe
what the fuck is up with all the shakey leg people on public transport, they cant sit still for 5 minutes without the leg bouncing up and down and shaking the whole fucking seat. are they fucking retarded, what the fuck i wrong with them, fuck off you shakey legged freak.

FaKe BReaSTS
a comment on fake boobies
"if the fishing lure doesnt look like a fish it aint gunna catch anything"

2007-03-13T23:38:00.000+11:00

FaKe FaLL FReaK
I was near prahran station around 5pm and saw a guy full over, so I walked over and helped him up, when I helped him up he kept on trying to fall over or walk towards the road. He said he wanted to end it all and jump in front of a car, I pulled him back from the road. He kept on trying to go on the road, but something didn’t seem right. So I left him and said something to him like "fine, go ahead" and walked off. He stopped trying to go onto the road and followed me to the station. I saw him walk along the station and say something to people as he passed them, probably something like "I’m gunna jump in front of the train", he said it to 3 people and then left the station, but I heard someone say "are you ok" he was doing the fake fall again! I heard him say something about jumping in front of the train but when the guy tried to stop him he just repeated it. The guy must’ve realized the fake fall guy was a nut and said something like "fuck off or ill call the cops" I walked out and saw the guy do another fake fall when another person was walking towards him. Id had enough of the nutter and was about to call 000 but as I held my mobile up to my ear the guy saw me and must’ve realized what I was doing and ran. He fucked off real quick. The train turned up and as I was traveling to the city I was wondering about why he does it, how often he does that stuff, did he run because he’s been in trouble with the cops for doing it previously, does he get off on it, and if I should’ve actually rang the cops and dobbed him in, 'cos someone could fall for his shit and get mega freaked out. So if your ever near prahran station keep an eye out for the fake fall guy.

WoT iM ReaDiNG @ THe MoMeNT oR HaVe ReCeNTLY FiNiSHeD
- Bitchfest (10 years of cultural criticism from the pages of bitch magazine) – edited by lisa jervis & andi zeisler
- Stoned, naked & looking in my neighbours window (the best confessions from GroupHug.us) – compiled by gabriel jeffrey
- Bone (the complete series in 1 volume) – Jeff Smith
- Alan Moore’s Writing For Comics
- Sex Lives of Australian Teenagers – joan sauers
- The John Project (real interviews with dudes who pay for sex) – Robin Bougie
- em & lo’s Rec Sex (an a-z guide to hooking up) – Em & Lo

STRaNGe BuT True
- The 1st episode of the happy days spin off show Joanie loves Chachi was the highest rating show in Sth.Korean history, probably because "chachi" in korean is slang for penis
- Cutting a hole in your pocket to masturbate without being caught is called sacofricosis
- In ancient Rome the traditional punishment for a 1st time rapist was to smash his genitalia between 2 large stones
- One irogmophobia is fear of wet dreams
- At the center for marital and sexual studies in long beach California found that the most orgasms in an hour for a woman was 134 and 16 for a man
- A "buckle bunny" is a rodeo cowboy groupie
- Dishabiliophobia is the fear of undressing in front of someone
- According to research, a man’s beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex
- A blind chameleon will still change its colour to blend in with its surrounding
- Emil Minty who played the feral kid in MadMax2 is now a jeweler
- All of Jaoquin Phoenix’s leather clothes in Walk the Line are synthetic because he is a strict vegan
- The man who played Eric Draven in The Crow after Brandon Lee’s death was Chad Stalehski
- There are 3000 quintillion individual living things living on this planet, 0.000,000,000,000,000,000,000,13% are humans
- A single pinhead of the sun’s raw material would kill someone 160km away
- The sentence "pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs" contains every letter of the alphabet

DeaTH
The eternal blink, the dance of the Now You Stop Moving Forever

300% iMPoTaNT
Penis don’t work, also got a burnt tongue & broken fingers.

2007-03-13T23:37:00.000+11:00

Aaron Petersen
22/08/71 – 05/03/07
you will be missed a lot

2007-03-03T17:14:00.000+11:00

GooD aDViCe
From a letter to Esquire Magazine, this sound advice:
Never let your wife shave your balls when she has the hiccups.

2007-02-24T20:28:00.000+11:00

Britney has been shaved to make it easier for her to lube herself up so she can slide into G.W.B's rectum.

Shes gunna wear him like a presidential skinsuit

2007-02-24T19:31:00.000+11:00

JoB HaTe
one of the many things i hate about my job is the fact that 90% of the customers cant look me in the eye, or just try to pretend im not there, which is hard when you buying something

JoB LauGH
what makes me laugh is when a customer answers their phone and pretends to be somewhere else, i am so tempted to yell out "do you need help with the dildos sir"

JoB PiTY
sometimes i feel sad for customers, we have losers who go from shop to shop with a sports bag full of videos and swap one from here and one from there. theyve got around 20 vids in their bags too.
Fuckin losers

HiLaRiouS
"A YOUNG beggar in Dublin city centre, who refused to move on when asked by gardai, opened her blouse took out her breast and sprayed breast milk over the garda when told she was going to be arrested. "

2007-02-23T21:24:00.000+11:00

psycho cat!!!!!!

2007-02-23T20:48:00.000+11:00

the tshirt says
front "who needs big tits..."
back "when you have an ass like this"

i like this tshirtand i know a few ladies who could wear it.....

2007-02-21T17:47:00.000+11:00

more pics

2007-02-21T17:27:00.000+11:00

found this at fuzzysquid -->

2007-02-20T17:44:00.000+11:00

BRa SiZeS..
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up

2007-02-09T19:45:00.000+11:00

MRS.PaLMeR oR MR.PaLMeR?
i was having a chat with a gay pal recently and asked him what the gay version of "mrs palmer and her 5 daughters" was. he said for him it was "MrPalmer and the 5 firemen" cos they gotta know how to handle a hose!

SeCReT LiFe oF FooTY PLaYeRS
During another chat with another gay pal we discussed the secret life of footy players. He reckons he gave a blowjob to a very big star (im not gunna reveal his name). I heard about one guy who had a trannie freind who would meet up with a certain footy player and theyd dress as women and pretend to be lesbains. He said he knows a few footy players with trannie girlfriends, but if you saw them you wouldnt know, theyre either post-op or almost-op.
Can you imagine if at the Bronwlow Medal Award a guy with trannie girlfriend won and his girlie got so excited that she cracked a fat!

2007-02-09T19:15:00.000+11:00

aVeLiNe
you will be missed

2007-01-28T20:35:00.000+11:00

B.D.O NeWBieS
On the way to work this morning and a few times when i was standing outside work i saw lots of people waiting for the tram to the big day out. Its easy to spot the newbies cos theyre way too excited and loud. About one in every 15 had on thongs. What a bunch of fucking idiots. Its broken toe/foot time!!!!

Too LoW?
i was at the espy on aust day eve, a guy on stage had the low pants look happening, but his pant were so low i could see the top of his legs on one side. His boxers where higher than the top of his pants!!

PiNK SoCK
A Pink Sock is a porno term for what happens when you pull an unlubricated object out of someones arse too quick

BDO BaBY BooM
i wonder if there is a baby boom 9 months after the big day out. not from the people there but from their parents finally getting some time alone

FReaKY
i was home alone and half asleep on the couch and rolled over to answer a text, and i swear for a second i saw a woman standing or kneeling next to me. It freaked me out!

2007-01-20T20:47:00.000+11:00

Last of the Proverbs:
Evil may spring from the tiniest thing
Irish
A kind word never broke anyone's mouth
Irish
To shear a pig is to cause a great commotion over very little wool
Irish
There are 2 sides to every story and 12 versions of every song
Irish
Hope to recoup is what ruins the gambler
Irish
The only cure for love is marriage
Irish
The tongue has no bones, yet it can break bones
Greek
Water drinkers do not write songs
Greek
A vineyard does not require prayers, but a hoe
Greek
The mills of the gods grind slow, but they grind small
Greek
When it is cold there are no dirty clothes
Japanese
Those who know do not speak, those who speak do not know
Japanese
1st man drinks wine, the wine drinks wine, then wine drinks man
Japanese
A quick temper does not bring quick success
Japanese
Fear is not obstacle to death
West African
Against the illness of death there is no medicine
West African
Even the tongue and the teeth quarrel now and then
African
The servant takes the trouble, tha master takes the praise
African
Dirty water cannot be washed
African
The bitter heart eats its owner
Bantu/African
A knife does not know its master
Congolese
A bald doctor cannot cure baldness
Congolese
Annoy your doctor and sickness will come laughing
Rhodesian
Though the lion growls, it will not eat its child
Rhodesian
The wound given by a friend does not heal
Kenyan
Gossiping and lying are brother and sister
Kenyan
Cross the river before you tease the crocodile
Sudanese
Who makes you pay in tears, you make him pay in blood
Ugandan
A man should not rub butts with a porcupine
Ashanti
A roaring lion kills no game
Ugandan
He who steals must also learn to run
Tanganyikan
He who forgets the aim of his journey is still on the road
Tanganyikan
Pain is an excellent instructor
American
To wash a pig is to waste both water and soap
American
Give a dog a bad name and it will begin to stink
American
There is no darkness like ignorance
Egyptian
Throw a lucky man into a river and he comes out with a fish in his mouth
Egyptian
There are no fans in hell
Egyptian
Five fingers are not equal
Turkish
He who seeks harm finds it
Turkish
After 3 days, a fish and a guest begin to stink
French
Feed a raven and it will pick out your eyes
French
Adams rib is more bitter than sweet
French
Why be miserable for the sake of pleasure
India
The deceitful carry a double load
Hindi
The tongue speaks best when moistened
Croatian
The one who washes off dirt, washes off luck
Mongolian
A hair seperates the false from the true
Persian
Work and you will be strong, sit and you will stink
Berber
A young puppy does not fear the tiger
Korean
Wealth covers all faults
Kurdish
A lucky mans first child is a daughter
Spanish
He who walks in evil ends in evil
Mexican
If you want to keep your milk sweet, leave it in the cow
Liberian
4 galloping horses cannot overtake the tongue
Confucius
Even the nibbling rabbit can gorge itself to death
Tibetan
The hare that escaped had 8 legs
Sinhalese
A narrow place is large to the narrow minded
Turkmenistani
Better to lose a little money than a little friendship
Malayan
A thousand gold pieces in debt may be settled with a silver tongue
Korean

theres probably a few doubles from previous posts but i cant be fucked checking
im not going to apologise cos its my blog and if you are upset by double proverbs you are obviously spending to much time on the net, go outside and get some fresh air you toss pot

2007-01-20T20:28:00.000+11:00

CHoCoLaTe:
The botanical name of the chocolate plant is Theobramba Cacao, which means “food of the gods”
The spanish explorer Hernandos Cortés found aztec indians using cacao beans to prepare a drink called xocolatl, which means “warm liquid”. The aztecs believed that cacao seeds came from a white bearded god Quetzalcoatl, who brought cacao to earth from paradise.

SoN oF uRiNaL MaN?
British ploics are hunting a man who stole a urinal froma pub bathroom. The suspect walked into the Royal Oak pub in Southhampton, on the english south coast, ordered half a pint of beer and made several visits to the men’s toilet.
He carefully removed a white urinal from the wall, stuffed it into a rucksack and was captuerd in closed circuit tv walking out with the bulging rucksack on his back.

iM iN LoVe
It has been reported actress Bai Ling says she enjoys sex so much she wants to die doing it. The bisexual star, 36, claims to sleep with as many people as possible. She says “Anything you can imagine, ive done it. I love being naked and I love men and women – especially when drunk. I want to die making love. Sex is the best high. For me a one night stand and a lifetime commitment are the same.”

strange happenings
- i saw a guy spit on an atm when he saw his balance receipt
- i saw a guy with arms like tree trunks delivering weightlifting powder to a shop that sells discount vitamins, his car was full of the stuff

DReaMS
i keep having dreams that im in lord of the rings, does this mean im Tolkien in my sleep?

WHY?
Why do women in scifi always wear high heels, even when their cyborgs? Wouldnt a flat heeled shoe be easier to walk in?

HiCCuP CuRe
Runaway electrical impulses in the vagus nerve cause intractable hiccups, so Fesmire attempted to block them by stimulating the nerve. Gagging, tongue pulling, sinus massage and pressing the eyeball to stimulate the vagus all failed to stop the hiccups. Then he remembered reading about a case in which digital rectal massage – inserting a finger into a patient’s anus – had slowed a racing heartbeat, an effect similar to runaway hiccups.
“It worked, and the rest is history,” he says. He has not needed to go that far again for other patients, but Majed Odeh of Bnai Zion Medical Center in Haifa, Israel, did a few years later and wrote a paper with the same title that earned him a share of the Ig Nobel.
However, Fesmire will not be trying it again. In researching his Ig Nobel acceptance speech, he told New Scientist that he found a treatment sure to be more popular with hiccup patients. “An orgasm results in incredible stimulation of the vagus nerve. From now on, I will be recommending sex – culminating with orgasm – as the cure-all for intractable hiccups.”

BaD SeX
i have such a bad sex life when i wank my hand falls asleep

CLaSSY DeSCRiPTioN
an english mags classy description of a porn starlet
"once opened up, you could get 2 pounds of mince into that bumhole along with 2 cocks, and this bint would still be begging for more meat to be packed inside her arse"

2007-01-04T12:02:00.000+11:00

LuBe:
when doing anal it goes from lubri-cant to lubri-can

NYE
i went to a bush doof this year,
- wore a masonic apron for a while, got bored and took it off, shouldve just worn the apron and nothing else
- wore a tshirt that said "stacks on me", a couple of friends did, (i had a pants on, so no nye action)
- had to climb a steep hill after midnight to text people cos mobile reception wasnt possible in bottom of valley where rave was
- i got sore legs from dancing on a hill
- the tent nearly flew away in a rainstorm
- got wet, muddy, dusty and a little bit sunburnt
- .....but had a fun night with friends so alls good

FuNNY NYe ReSPoNSe
i texted a friend to see what he did on nye and got this reply
"ended up in the gutter somewhere in suburbia, covered in spew, 10c under my tongue & a sticky arse!"

2006-12-28T20:33:00.000+11:00

NeRD LuV
i saw a cute girl with glasses in the train, she was playing with her PSP, i got a nerd boner in my brain

NeW eXPReSSioN
a moose knuckle is the camel toe effect on a man

N.Y.E.
when at a bottle shop buying booze for nye remeber that its better to pass out than run out

2006-12-26T19:14:00.000+11:00

MeDiCaL NaMeS
Flatus Vaginalus - fanny fart
Natal Cleft - bum crack
Venus Observa - missionary position

Too MuCH
a customer came in and bought a vibrating penis extender, spanish fly & 2 different delay products (indian god lotion & sta erect creme)
I hope he doesnt overdo the delay stuff or he'll be waiting a week for the feeling to come back

GiRLS LoVe HiM
The longest human tongue ever recorded was that of Stephen Taylor and measures 9.5 centimetres (3.74 inches). The longest tongue for a female is that of Annika Irmler at 7 centimetres (2.76 inches)

BeaT QueeN
On the night of 21st. October 1953 John Gielgud was arrested for homosexual importuning in Chelsea and ordered to appear before a magistrate the following morning. On the charge sheet he described himself as 'Arthur Gielgud, 49, a clerk, of Cowley Street Westminster' and he pleaded guilty and apologised. He was fined £10. He had followed the usual practice of the time of giving a false job description in the hope that the press would not pick up on the incident. If he had been more bold he might also have given a false name but the best that he could bring himself to do was to give his name as Arthur Gielgud. (He should have followed Alec Guinness's example of seven years earlier in 1946 when he gave the name Herbert Pocket after a similar incident.)

SiX PaCK
I read a theory that a sixpack stomach isnt a expression of male powe but a muscular arnour to keep the world out.
I'm proudly open to the world!

PaNSeXuaL
definition of pansexual:
genitals are irrelevant, people are not!

DouBLe DooDLe
since 1609 there has been 80 documented cases of men with 2 penises!