Spurticus - crazy brit asked for a poo tube for his ass. He saw one in america, poo runs down tube into bag, remove from ass, put on cap then use as whip until bag breaks. He claims it exists but I doubt it. Weird anyway.
Spurticus – indian guy bought spanish fly, pheremone spray, strapon and erection plus tablets. Said spray was to lure them in then was going to knock them out and fuck them with strapon, then go home to fuck his girlfriend using erection plus. I said “good luck”
Spurticus – weird gay guy bought body stocking for himself, then showed me about 3 big buttplugs in his backpack and said he was about to make his money back. He had no teeth and kept smelling his finger. (I said brett u don’t own the shop anymore. Go home)
Spurticus - a guy just offered the new girl $1000 to fuck him in the video booth with a strap-on. She said no. Dude wanted to watch trannie vid while she reamed him, but insisted he wasnt gay
Grebo (me) – just had gay customer aged 50+, wearing clothes of 20yr old including tupac tshirt and dyed black mullet/mohawk. I think his grey eyebrows and old man grunts as he used stairs gave his age away
porn shop rules:
always remember we know your secrets
- If you use the booth, clean up after yourself
- No, we wont give a personal demo of product
- Disguises are stupid and for sad people, so take off the sunglasses, its not that bright
- Wank only in designated areas, video/peepshow booths etc.
- If you want to dispute something, yes we will got to court, if you can live with it
- If you’re a girl don’t assume a guy in a porn shop must be a pervo
- If you’re a guy, don’t assume that a woman is a porn shop is a slut or something to perve or flash at
- We open and close at advertised time, if its says closed we are closed, don’t knock or yell
- If a sign in shop says don’t do something, don’t do it! It’s not just there for decoration
- If the first 10 magazines are sealed the its safe to assume that the rest of them are too
- We don’t know everything about everything in the shop, but we will lie if asked
- Every joke about the shop has already been thought of, so don’t try to be funny
- When we say were closing the shop in 10 minutes, it means pay for what you want and get out, not 10 minutes more browsing time
- The longer you are in the shop, the greater the reason you have to buy something and the worse we will treat you when you return.
- If you wont cheaper porn, go home and make it yourself. But you cant… which is why you buy it in the first place
- Dont ask if our sexdrive is affected by where we work, do you ask doctors that question?
- Don’t chew gum at counter and don’t breath it on us.
- Don’t come in the shop if you cant control your hard-on, we don’t wanna see it
- Don’t ever assume our sexuality or that we’ll do anything because of where we work
- Don’t pick your nose in shop
- Don’t play with yourself in shop
- Don’t cough or sneeze on products
- Don’t wear tracksuit pants into shop if you have no control of your erection
- Don’t scratch you bum or genitals in the shop
- Don’t scratch yourself with products in the shop
- Don’t put your hands in your pockets until you need to get money out, and jiggling of coins or keys is strictly forbidden
- Don’t assume we are into it if you are
- Don’t assume we know anyone everything about the sex industry just because we work in a porn shop
- Don’t think you’re a regular and act friendly if you have never bought anything.
- Don’t expose yourself to staff or other customers
- Don’t talk to us like we are your friends unless you actually are
- Don’t fart near the counter and leave the staff in the stench
- Don’t ask for a film with minimal or obscure description
- Don’t ask us to choose your porn or well give you the stuff we cant sell
- Don’t eat, drink or smoke in the shop, do you know any other shop that lets you?
- Don’t take the last puff of a ciggie and walk into the shop and blow it out into the shop.
- Don’t leave cum on changing room mirror, tv screen, peepshow window
- Don’t ask us what the videos/dvds are like, we haven’t watched them all
- Don’t ask for enlargment pills you saw on the internet, they don’t work, that’s why theyre sold on the internet
- Don’t come into the shop more than once a day, unless your coming back to buy something
- Don’t come into the shop for a look at the covers for a quick libido fix, get a life
- Don’t ask to use the toilet, we would rather you wet yourself than risk you wanking where we pee
- Don’t try to shake our hands, we don’t know where yours has been, or maybe we do and that’s why we wont shake it
- Don’t ask for illegal stuff (animals, kids, rape etc.) then pretend your joking when we say no, we know your not.
- Don’t ask for something and pretend it for someone else, we don’t care, if you tell us qe will assume its for you even if it really is for someone else
- Don’t assume we know every actor and actress and every film theyve been in, that’s what the internet’s for, look it up yourself
- We don’t get paid enough to like you
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