WoKe uP THiS MoRNiNG... ....THeN LaTeR iN THe DaY

all day yesterday my mind was popping with ideas, last night i spent 2 hours trying to draw and write, but it wasnt happening, i just got more and more frustrated, eventually around 11pm i gave up
then this morning i woke up with an erection so hard a cat wouldnt have been able to scratch it, i had to spend 5 minutes getting stuff ready for going to work before i could leave the room, the curse of living in  shared house. i have named that erection "the anger boner"
did my usual morning stuff then went off to work
at the traffic lights a bike rider went through a red light while he was too busy looking at something else, he wasnt wearing a helmet, i wanted to yell at the dickhead but couldnt be fucked
then when i got off the tram in the city a woman walking along staring at her phone in that hunchback pose, dropped her shirt and didnt even notice, i had to wave in front of her face between her and her mobile to get her attention, she said thanks, normally i'd be thinking "i did a good deed" but all i could think of was "fucking dickhead"
i think its going to be one of those days
i hope no one at work pisses me off

quote for the morning:
"Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph"

after a couple of encounters with dickhead customers at work i had cravings for junk food, i stopped off at the fish and chip shop on the way home, got some stuff to eat, tasted okay, never as great as the idea of it in my head, walked home eating, stopped in the park to finish the last of it, dropped something i was about to eat on the ground, brushed it off, took a bite, then wondered what the fuck i was doing? what the fuck i have become?
now im sitting here at my desk listening to Lorde and wondering what to do with my life


GRaCe joNeS & MY BeST FRieND

i hated high school, it was 12 years of hell, but one of my good memories of it has a link to this song
i went to a local record shop and they had a bin full of promo posters & stuff. i scored a Grace Jones - Nightclubbing promo, it was a cardboard coat hanger of her head and shoulders
i took it to school then me & my best friend walked around with our school blazers hanging off it reciting the words to Walking In The Rain and laughing our arses off, especially the bit about "sounding like a no-no, making when i can"
i've looked online but havent found any mention to that promo coathanger, if i could find one i'd buy i just out of nostalgia
ive loved her stuff when i was a teenager. her music is great and she's such a freak, she sung about stuff that went over my head at the time but somehow it sunk in over years of watching & listening to her doing her thing
i just bought a re-release of her Nightclubbing album, its as great now as it was then


Scars & Scared

I had thoughts of self harming recently. It scared me. I don’t do that, I have never done that, even at the worst of times. Then why the fuck did my brain make me think that.
This is an explanation. I have constant pain, its in my head, its a hangover that never went away, its not visible except for my permanent resting bitch face. I get told to smile a lot, I cant help it, its my natural face, so fuck off and mind your own business. I’ve been seeing a physio and an occupational therapist recently, getting advice on how to cope with the pain. Id been to one of the session, did a relaxation class, everything was fine. Then the thoughts came into my head. I wanted to cut my face from my forehead to my cheek. It was stuck in my head for 5 minutes. I didn’t like it, its freaked me out. I do not do shit like that. I would never do shit like that. I see enough teenagers with scars from cutting at my work without me thinking like that. I cant think of anything that triggered it, my head wasn’t in much more pain than usual, I was pretty relaxed and doing the dishes. I’m really confused now. Why would thoughts like that invade my head, and I really do mean invade, I DO NOT think like that. When I was a teenager I remember looking at a razor blade once, and thinking of doing it, then I knew that the people making my life hell would win, and I have never contemplated it since, until now.
I am not going to do it, I am never going to do it.
But I might talk to a professional about it next week, it not a nice place for my mind to be.

this is similar to what i was thinking of doing



Years ago when i was a teenager i went for a piss and when i did the end shake there was blood, i freaked out, you know that feeling when you can actually feel the blood draining from your face, i felt that. I saw the doctor and he sent me off to a hospital and they did cystoscopy. I was put under and eventually woke up every 10 minutes feeling like i needed to pee. I dont remember much expect watching daytime TV while being half asleep.
Years later it happened again, twice, once when i was in a minor car accident and again when my dad died. The doctors back then said its was probably just a stress thing. It hasn't happened since but years later it would haunt me
Today i went to the hospital and visited the urology department. It was depressing but strangely inspiring. A month or so ago i had a urinary tract infection and it was fucking awful. I felt like i had to pee all day and id wake up in the middle of the night and have to go piss, but thankfully no blood. The worst of it only lasted a few days but it haunted me for a few weeks. the antibiotics didn't help much so i just had to ride it out until it stopped. Its a problem that most women will have some time in their life, but men only get it occasionally.
I went to the doctor and they did a piss test and checked my prostate, yep, the old finger up the bum & wiggle test. It was all fine as far as they could tell. The doctor made an appointment with the hospital and it being a public one it took a couple of months to get an appointment.
So today i went in and i thought it was going to be a chat with the doc, like when i have my brain MRIs, but it wasn't. I had to pee into a weird thing i called the piss-o-meter that would make a read out of my stream strength and regularity, it looked like a conical urinal with a read-out printer on top. I'd gone for a pee an hour before and ended up having to drink a heap of water to get any piss. I'd just had lunch so that wouldn't have helped. Eventually i did it but the stream was pretty weak, its a pity they didn't get the next one cos that would've broke the machine. They make you drink a heap of water and then expect you to perform on cue. Its like an experiment that is ruined by the fact that you are there watching it.
I did small talk with a few guys there, most over 50 or 60, with much worse complaints than mine. I think we all bonded over the water cooler, relieving nerves while trying to fill out bladders for the piss test. I read some leaflets and i think my years of retail may have made the recent UTI worse cos of all the years of pissing when you can, not when you need to, cos you never know when the next chance will be. Bastards! More proof work fucks you up, it should be banned.
So after pissing in the piss-o-meter i sat down, i wandered off twice to pee again while waiting to see the doctor, a full bladder will do that. Eventually i saw the doctor. He's set me up for another ultrasound in a couple of weeks and eventually a cystoscopy. I'm dreading the cystocopy cos this time I'm going to be awake. He said they'll be looking for a stricture (a narrowing) mainly and anything else. He said the waiting list is months long, so it'll probably happen some time before xmas, which will annoy my boss, cos no ones allowed time off before xmas cos its so busy. Fuck him, its my health, so he can go get fucked.
I havent had any symptoms for ages, but its better to be safe than sorry.

I wrote his because men's health should be more out in the open. Shit goes wrong, so get it fixed, and don't be afraid to talk about it cos someone you know might be hiding the same thing and is too scared to tell anyone and you might inspire them to get it fixed.

and a big thanks to cyndi darnell's recent posts on twitter & facebook for the mens health inspiration  

punks & skins & drunks & cops

There seemed to be a lot of punks around in the late 80s & early 90s, but unfortunately there was some dickhead skins too. Some skinhead were just punks who had to have a nice haircut for work, but there was some shitheads who'd go around looking for a punk to beat up, some would even drive around where they knew punks were and grab one, punch on, then use scissors to cut off the punks mohawk.
This was back in the day when the colour of your shoelaces in your Doc Martins Or GPs was important, if you wore anything but black you could be in for some nasty shit, in melbourne white shoelaces meant whitepower, yellow meant you hated asians and red meant you were a bonehead (nazi skinhead).
a punk friend of mine was waiting hanging around the flinders st station step and a bunch of skinheads started hassling him,  as they kept on kicking his shins he noticed the white shoelaces, knowing theyd keep hassling him even if he walked away he decided to fight back, so he swung around and punched the guy behind him, thinking he was aiming for the face he didnt know they guy was really tall, he throat punched the guy! The guy doubled over and his mates tried to help him, thats when my mate legged it and ran for his life, not wanting an even worse beating.

I went to a few punk parties, back then too, lots of drunken suburban punks, and despite the myth most of them had weekday jobs, mostly as tradies.
  One party i remember was pretty cool, the place was full of punks, goths & a few skinheads. There was spray paint on the walls, a pool table in the lounge room and lots of drunk people all over the place. It was opposite a park, so quite a few people would walk across there, piss, spew, whatever and come back to the party. We did the usual drunken walk to the 7-11 at 3am. It was a cool party, but from what i heard the next party was epic, maybe epic fail but still pretty funny for the 7-11 snack runners.
  The place was trashed and full of the same freaks as last time, around 2 or 3am the cops turned up and the people at the party, including the people living there, scattered like cockroaches, jumping fences, running across the park, etc. I have no idea if the cops caught anyone.
  I heard this story from some people who'd gone to the 7-11 about 5 minutes before the cops got there, when they got back the place was empty and there was police tape across the door. They snuck around the back, drank booze, ate their snacks and fell asleep in the available beds. When they woke up the next morning no one had returned yet, so as they left they grabbed some unopened booze that was left behind and made their way home.


BaCK aGaiN

Best quote of the week was from a friend who witnessed the chaos of school holidays at my workplace, she said "now i know why you hate humanity"

WoMeN & THe SeaT aRGuMeNT

When i go to the toilet i remember to put the seat up or down depending on what im there for, i can do this in the middle of the night or when extremely drunk. Women must put the seat down every time they go to the loo, so wouldnt it be a reflex action done without thinking, so why do some women complain "you didnt put the seat down when you finished" i had to put it up before i started, so you should be able to remember to put it down before you start. If a woman forgets to put the seat down before going to the loo she should get checked for alzheimer's or stop drinking so much.
As a friend said "It's practically the equivalent of complaining that someone closed the fridge when they were done getting food out. I know, it's a real inconvenient having to OPEN THE FRIDGE, but somehow, someway, you'll get over it!"


Your argument is invalid when its only online


the witch is dead

i wish i was in the UK this weekend

The Exploited - Maggie you cunt