MY FuTuRe SuX
Here is why the future sux
I have spent a large part of my life unemployed and not spending much time in jobs, but I've only been sacked from a 3 jobs, 2 from when I was in my early 20s and didn’t really care. I’ll never be able to afford to own a house, I've never earned big bucks in any job, my super will probably run out after I pay off the bond on my final retirement rental if the rental market keeps on rising. If the pension still exists I might be able to some better than some people cos of my experiences of living on the dole.
I've heard the pension will not exist when I retire, if that’s true I will use what little money I have to get to Canberra and start the pensioner tent embassy on the lawns of parliament house.
aNGRY YouTH
Lately all I hear in the media is the problems of youth, drinking, violence, etc, etc. If I had to live with no job security, a housing market out of my price range, ever increasing petrol and food prices, no ozone layer, a fucked environment, and no pension at the end of it all, I wouldn’t blame them for not giving a shit
RooTiNG RuiNeD
I was known as the park porker many years ago. No, I'm not a visitor of beats, it was an exaggeration of rooting the same girls in 2 different parks, one in the burbs somewhere (our 1st root) and the other at the back of the park in greville st behind a park bench (our last root).
Now with cameras popping up everywhere for out safety and lighting increased, where will the random public rooters go. It will be less random cos it’ll be harder to find a dark corner for a quickie. But I suppose when there’s a will there’s a way, just gotta keep one eye out so we don’t give the security guys a free show
WHY I LiKe WiNTeR
I like to walk in the fog, I like to walk in the winter sun, I like to walk down st.kilda pier and just stare out over the water while sitting on the rocks, absorbing the view and enjoying the peace. Its really nice during on weekday when most people are at work/school.
PeNGuiN PiSS
A few years ago I went for a walk down to the end of st kilda pier with a friend late one night. I needed to take a piss so walked over to the rocks at the end of it to relieve myself. When I was about to let it go a penguin squawked, so I moved to another spot, another squawk, it happened 4 times, I gave up and decided to wait till I got back the beach. I suppose I wouldn’t be too happy if someone was about to piss on my house, or maybe they just saw my worm and got hungry.
FeaR
I have a fear of deep water and of heights. Its not a total freak out cant move fear, just an adrenaline buzz fear. If I stood on the top of a really high wall that had really deep water below it, would I get a double adrenaline buzz?
CHiCKeN
My main meat source is chicken, a habit I picked up while traveling through the uk and ireland during the mad cow scare. I was wondering if you replaced cattle with an equal meat amount of chickens, not battery hens, free roaming chickens, how much space would it take up?
SWeaTY CoMeDiaN
I bought 4 videos from and op shop for $2 each, they’re all live performances of the uk comedian Lee Evans. He’s mega hyper and pretty funny. The most disturbing part of his performances is how sweaty he gets. He usually wears dark blue suits, and as the show goes on the patches of sweat get bigger and bigger, the back of his suit look like 2 angel wings, and eventually ends up dark blue from sweat, his arms and bum are soaked in sweat too. Once you notice it, its hard not to see. I would hate to see him after the show, I hope his dressing room has a shower, if he plays multiple shows he must own a few suits, his dry cleaning bill must be huge. Id hate to get anywhere near his luggage if he has to go straight from one gig in one town to another town, it would reek.
a GaLaXY oF GueRiLLa GaRDeNiNG
I recently heard about the guerrilla gardening method of seed bombing. Its where you make a ball of seeds, fertilizer and dirt and throw it into an area that’s hard to get to, if your lucky the seeds take root and eventually there’s flowers growing in a place that was barren.
I had the idea of mining an asteroid, then fill the empty shell with seeds, water and fertilizer. Chuck a few cameras, sensors and maybe some rockets to propel it. Then send it off on a journey to a planet that is capable of life but there is none, aim it toward a area most likely for the seed to survive, then smash it into the planet. The explosion would send up clouds of seeds, dirt, fertilizer and water into the atmosphere. If all goes well, by the time a ship with people on it gets to the planet there should be plant life.
Its also a good way to get rid of the excess of methane producing ozone depleting cow shit and if the ship taking it into orbit blows up it just means the nearby gardens would be nice that year
WHaT To Do?
What do you do if there’s a side of you that you’d like to let out more often, but when you do he sometimes goes too far? Is he the real me? It feels good when he’s in control. I like this me, he usually pops up when I’m tired, sometimes drunk, or both. Have I been holding back and should I let him loose, and how do I keep control? Should I even worry about keeping control, isn’t that the point of letting him out, to lose control.
I've been living for too long in fear, maybe it time for him to take the reigns for while cos, in the words of the butthole surfers, its better to regret something you have done that to regret something you haven’t done.
BRaSS MoNKieS oN THe BeaCH
A few years ago a friend came around out of the blue in the middle of the week, we had a bunch of booze and got bored. So we went for a wander down to st kilda beach at about 3-4 am (I’m not sure exact time). We went out onto the end of the small pier, the tide was out so the water wasn’t deep and we could see all the little fishes. She suddenly had a great idea, lets strip off, skinny dip back to shore and then streak back to our clothes. Sounds fun, in summer maybe, this was mid august, fucking cold. I thought about it but didn’t really want to do it.
Then I stepped in poo, human poo, some dirty fucker had taken a shit at the end of the pier. In a bad mood I walked back to the beach to wash off my shoe, but at the same time sort of relieved for an excuse not to freeze my nuts off.
Got back to shore, washed off my shoe and we kept walked down the beach some more. Then we got the urge again and we both stripped off to out underwear and went into the water. Holy fuck, it was cold, I got to just past my knees and couldn’t feel my toes, I was scared that if my nuts touched the water they’d disappear into my body and my penis would become something resembling a button. After that quick dip, we got out, put our clothes back on and walked a little bit further, then she decided to go in.
She stripped off to nothing and jumped in, I stood on the shore freezing, laughing and hoping she didn’t fuck up and id have to go in to save her. eventually she came out of the water, walked over to the open shower facilities beside the path. I minded her clothes as she showered off the sand. A guy on his bike went past (its around 5am) and did a double take, but thankfully kept on going. He’d have story to tell later that day.
Eventually we set off for my place, then the complaining started, I cant feel my toes, I’m cold, etc. I told her the 5 minute walk back to the flat would warm her up and get her circulation going. We got back to the flat, she had a hot shower, and we crashed out in my bed in a weird drunken state, sobered up by the cold, but re-drunked by the warmth of a shower and a bed.
It was fun. She lives with her boyfriend now.
I need more random stupid fun stuff like that.
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