RePuTaTioN
I was gunna write a big blog entry about how I was rejected because of my “reputation” by someone, it really annoyed me cos its based on nothing but this persons imagination. it stuck in my head for days, what the fuck did she mean, all the other shit was okay I realized it was bullshit and she just didn’t want to fuck, but for some reason my brain kept hold of the reputation thing and it stuck. But then I week or so later I saw her leave a club with one of the biggest man sluts I know. I actually felt relieved, the reputation thing was crap, it was just another piece of bullshit spilling forth from her young mouth. I feel okay now, finally my brains accepted that it was all bullshit.

THe FuCKeD-uPNeSS oF aLCoHoL iN MY LiFe
I am painfully shy and without it booze to relax me id be fucked when I go out, but when I drink everything gets weirdly amplified, I’m very sociable but I also have lapses into shyness and act like a bumbling idiot around certain people.
The worst part is the next day. Lack of sleep and a hangover always make me really emotional, and I become a big wuss. Anything that happened the night is blown up massively in my head and becomes a big drama. I’m usually alone too so I wonder when I’m ever gunna get laid again, even if it wasn’t that long since the last one. I get really fucking lonely, I fear that I’m gunna die alone, its all a bit crazy. I’ve almost given it up many times. It’s the fucked-upness of alcohol in my life

SCaReY MaN
Something weird happens sometimes when I’m out, I’m just being me, drinking, boogying, doing my thing, just there for a good time. Someone introduces me to their lady friend they’ve just met or are trying to get into the pants of. I say hello, be nice, try let out much of my usually perverted shit that I talk. A couple of minutes after I leave, I look back the guys still there, but the chicks gone.
Was it me that scared them away? Am I the scary man?
When I was at school I was constantly told “I’d hate to meet you in a dark alley” or “If I was walking down the street and you were behind me I’d be shit scared”, when they said this it wasn’t the usual school age bullshit, these guys were being honest.
I’m the scary man.
When I don’t shave for a few days I notice women looking at me, is it the scary man appeal? Maybe I should do acting stuff and be the scary guy in films, I've already done a part in a friends horror film as a murderer from upstairs with a knife who’s covered in blood. How can I make money out of my scariness without doing illegal stuff?

GuYS & aTTaCHeD WoMeN
Often when I go out I spend the night chatting with people I know, but I noticed lately a lot of the time recently its guys or women with boyfriend/husbands/fiancees. When I’m talking to some chick and she slips in something about her boyfriend into the conversation I feel like asking her to buy me a drink, when she asks why ill say its cos she’s just taken 5 minutes of my life away that ill never get back, but id have to be pretty drunk/horny/frustrated to do that. Maybe its cos their boyfriends not there they know that a guy'll only talk to them if he thinks their single, but then they feel guilty so the drop the BF bomb. Why are single women who I've never met avoiding me? Is it the scary man thing? Is it my non existent reputation? These girls think they’ve got their freak on but get scared when a real freaks in their midst who’s not a standard drug fucked man slut. Its all a bit weird!

GaY GReBo SHoCK
A strange little story from a few years ago. I knew some people who ran a club, I used to go to it a lot, id see other people in the same situation (friends with club running people).
It was the last night of a club and I was chatting to one girl id know for over 5 years who was a regular. I mentioned something about an ex girlfriend, she looked shocked. I asked her why and she said she thought I was gay. I’d know her over 5 years! I think it was because she’d never heard rumors or stories about me or seen me leaving with someone. It was funny but it still made me wonder how she really came to that conclusion, I never got to ask her and haven’t seen her for years. I still think its pretty funny. It’s a pity she had a long term boyfriend, I could’ve shown her how wrong she was J

HoW To KiCK STaRT YouR CreaTiViTY
Have 24 hour a day headaches for 3 years, that doctors are unable to fix or even tell you what’s causing it
Have 2 friends die within a couple of months of each other, both suddenly.
While mucking around at a party fuck up your ribs so bad that you have to get your them x-rayed and your spleen ultrasounded
Get fuck all sleep because of the rib pain if you move
Add vodka
Then a tiny drop of a minor disappointment at a nightclub
And boom!
You have fucked up mix that’ll bring forth all your fucked up emotions out and kick start your creative vibes into a supercharged fucked up beautiful chaos melstrom

WaReHouSe & THe CaT
As I write this im spending my last few hours at a warehouse of a friend. Ive been looking after it for a month. Its been bliss. Ive been living alone with only a cat to keep me company. The cats been sleeping next to my head at night and sending me to sleep with its purring. Ive done 2 painting within 2 weeks and ive written some stuff. But now I gotta go back the chaos of a shared flat. Blaaargh.
I need to find a better job, a fulltime job, cos then I could live alone.
But id like to thank MrD for letting me stay here, its been bliss. If your reading this, thanks dude.

CoMiC ReVieW
I just finished Bone by Jeff Smith. Fucking amazing comic, the whole things in one volume, it took me ages to read its 1332 pages. But fell worth the read. I love a comic that takes me ages to read, cos then I get fully engrossed in the story. It’s the story of the 3 Bone cousins, Fone, Phoney & Smiley, and their trip after they get run out of Boneville. Its got rats creatures, dragons, magic, war, locust kings, ted the bug, and even cow racing. Its won heaps of awards around the world. If you get a chance check it out cos it’ll take a while but you wont be disappointed when you finish it.