DoGS NoT aPeS
I was wondering if we’d descended from dogs not apes how would we be doing the bum sniffing thing as upright walking intelligent canines.
Would we offer a finger straight from the back of our pants to the other to smell?
Itd be nuts with women being on heat. Dads would have to lock their daughters in their room or have mega security around the house until it passes.
CHoCoLaTe WeiRDNeSS
A favourite dish of the aztecs was roast turkey with chocolate gravy!!
SeLF HaTiNG
from MCV:issue 349 thurs 13 sept
“Israeli Nazis charged
One of eight Russian - Israeli suspects, accused of belonging to a neo-nazi cell responsible for attacks on gay men, the homeless and orthodox Jews; is seen during a court appearance in the central Israeli town of Ramle, last Sunday. In a case that would seem unthinkable in the Jewish state, police found nazi uniforms and regalia when they raided the gang’s homes, together with videos the group made of violent attacks on same sex couples and other minorities. Ironically, all the gang’s Russian-born members claimed ‘right of return’ to immigrate to Israel, as they had at least one Jewish grandparent.”
I've heard woody allen talk about “self hating jews”, I think that would be the simplest term used for dickheads like those guys.
IRiSH ToaST
“May you live to a hundred years, with one extra year to repent”
VoDKa
“Sparks! They fly from your stomach to the furthest reaches of your body” – Anton Chekhov
“Vodka is only drunk for one reason, and if you have a bottle of vodka you’ll always find a reason” - Russian saying
“There cannot be not enough snacks,
there can only be not enough vodka.
There can be no silly jokes,
there can only be not enough vodka.
There can be no ugly women,
There can only be not enough vodka.
There cannot be too much vodka,
there can only be not enough vodka.” - Russian saying
what food goes best with vodka – pickles, caviar, sausages, salted or pickled fish on rye bread, black bread.
TraDiTioNaL ToaSTS
Officers at sea followed a strict weekly schedule for toasts when drinking after dinner
Sunday- absent friends
Monday – our ships at sea - queen and country
Tuesday – our men and our mothers – health and wealth
Wednesday – ourselves, our swords, old ships
Thursday – a bloody war or sickly season – the king
Friday – a willing foe and sea room – fox hunting and old port
Saturday – sweethearts and wives (may they never meet)
GReaT QuoTe aBouT DRiNKiNG
“always do sober what you’d said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut” – Ernest Hemingway
HaNGoVeR ReMeDYS
Puerto Rico – rub half a lemon in the armpit of your drinking arm
Japan – wear a gauze surgical mask soaked in sake
Mongolia – eat/drink pickled sheep’s eye in tomato juice
Hungarian Magyars – drink sparrow droppings in brandy
Ancient Assyrians – grind swallow beaks in myrrh and drink
Ancient Libyans – mix seawater into your wine. That way, you cant get too much wine in your system before the seawater induces vomiting
Ancient Greeks – draw blood through self flagellation, allowing the alcohol to seep out
Romans : eat fried canary
Middle Ages – drink a mixture of bitter almonds and raw eel
Wild West – plenty of droppings from a jack rabbit, well dried, then brewed with hot water in a tea
19th Century American Housewives – soaking your feet in mustard and water until the headache is gone
19th Century English Chimney Sweeps – a cup of warm milk mixed with a tea spoon of soot (from hardwood, if possible), drink slowly
Haiti – stick 13 black headed pins into the cork of the bottle that caused the hangover
