IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH!
The 4th edition of Dildos Not Bombs is now in Polyester Books in Brunswick St., Fitzroy. (the sticky zine shop in the city wont stock it because of its explicit content WANKERS!)
Its got amazing articles about sodomy, the hankie code, speculums, evil old homophobes, male body image and even rusty trombone!
Go buy it, its fukn cheap and a good toilet read.

BLaH BLaH BLaH PRoVeRBS:
“though the lion growls, it will not eat its child.”
Rhodesian
“the tongue has no bones, yet it can break bones.”
Greek
“The tongue speaks best when moistened.”
Croatian
“A narrow place is large to the narrow minded”
Turkmenistani
“Annoy your doctor and sickness will come laughing”
Rhodesian
“Better to lose a little money than a little friendship”
Malayan
“Daylight will peep through a very small hole”
Japanese
“Cross the river before you tease the crocodile”
Sudanese

2 LoVeLY QuoTeS:
- “Blood is thicker than water, but so is cum!!!!
- “Anal sex is like spinach. If you are forced to have it when young, you wont like as an adult.”

HoMoeRoTiC
why is a picture of a naked man homoerotic but a picture of a naked woman not?
isnt a picture of a naked woman homoerotic to a lesbian?

WHY LaTe NiGHT WoRK SuX
I just heard today that Kevin Smith (the creator of clerks, mallrats, chasing amy, dogma, jay and silent bob strikes back, etc) is doing an q&a session at the Astor theatre on a week night for the australian release of Clerks2. It had to be when they are making me work 5 nights and a 1 day a week 'cos we’ve had 2 people quit in the space of a month. I’m not a film nerd and I cant think of any questions to ask him about his films, but after reading a recent article by him in Arena magazine at work I’d probably ask him how his anal fissure is, and how’s his bum health. Its in the edition of Arena with the free deck of cards and jamie pressley on the cover.

HaNDS FRee WaNK
When working in retail you have to put up with wanker, in porn shops even more so. Some guy came in and wanted to buy 3 dvds and a wank machine. Its sorta like a reverse pearl vibe. It’s a tube with rotating beads on the inside. I got the dvds and told him I had to test the tube to see if it worked (I aint gunna take it back once it leaves the shop). the fucker lets out on of those sighs like its such a pain to wait a couple of minutes. Funny shit was the wank tube didn’t work, I had to grab another one and that didn’t work too. We only had 2 in stock, he was a bit pissed off. Thinking he was gunna have a bit of hands free action but then reduced to using his hand. I was apologetic but as he paid he made some comment like, “you should realise people like to get out of these sort of places as quick as possible” Oh really, I would never have known, I’ve only been working on and off in shops like this for 8 years. Fucking dumb ass! I did my usual, not my fault the products fucked, trying to sound apologetic, while not really giving a fuck. He was probably just another guy in town on business who’s wants a hands free wank in a hotel room. If he was a guy in a wheelchair who really needed the product because of physical problems I would’ve helped him pick another one, but when I cop attitude I switch off, fuck him.

GoLD DiGGeR
A snooty woman came into the shop and wanted a copy of a magazine called “Shop ‘til You Drop” (a wanky mag about stuff you can buy, a mag full of ads disguised as articles, a total waste of trees, the people who make this mag should be chainsawed at the knees). But when she got to the counter she didn’t pay for it, her male friend paid. Makes me wonder who pays for her shopping until she’s dropping. She had a look on her face like she had a peeled lemon shoved up her arse, the sort of face you see on snooty fucks who think you are lower than them because they’re the customer and you’re serving them. Fuckin Beyatch!!!!!

HoMoPHoBia
One of the many reasons for homophobia towards gay guys is how people pick up. If a straight guy was as direct as most gay guys are when picking up, the straight guy would get his nuts kicked in by the woman.

HoNKYToNKS
Its closing down, hoo-fuckin-ray, about fuckin time.
I've been there once and it was the sorta club full of people who wear tshirts/belts/hats/gloves of bands they’ve never heard of, wanky overpriced trucker hats, overpriced “vintage” clothes (2ndhand) and $150 tshirts. Most people I know who’ve been there more than once say it’s a bitch to get into, and when you get inside you are sorely disappointed. Its just a club, big fucking deal, they come and go like a dose of herpes. Get over it and find a new one to hang out at and bitch to the baby clubbers about how honkytonks was a heaven on earth and no club could ever match it.

CooKiNG FoR MeN
There’s a cookbook at my work for men. the measuring devices are:
- shotglasses
- plastic disposable cups
- softdrink bottle caps
- tape measure
that’s fukn genius!!! I may even purchase it

K-PaX TRiLoGY
I just finished the k-pax trilogy books by gene brewer. I really liked it.
It’s a story about a man called prot, claiming to be from another planet, who’s been put in a mental ward. Instead of chapters, it set into psychiatric sessions. Our planet is called B-Tik, which is 2nd off the bottom of the planetary scale, (A- is a planet that’s destroyed by it inhabitants)
The 1st book was made into a film, and in the later books it mentions how the psychiatrist who’s treating prot made money from the film made from his paper on the sessions with prot.

THe WiSDoM oF PRoT
- don’t blame the politicians for your problems, they are merely a reflection of yourselves
- many humans feel sorry for dolphins who are trapped in tuna nets. Who weeps for the tuna?
- Your recorded “history” and your “literature” and “art” are merely those of your own species; they ignore all the other beings who share your planet. For a long time we thought that homosapiens was the only species living on earth
- Religions are difficult for a k-paxian to understand. Either all of them are right or all of them are right or none of them is.
- Human society will always have a drug problem unless life without drugs becomes a more attractive prospect for those concerned.
- Hunting is no sport, its cold-blooded murder. If you can outwrestle a bear or chase down a rabbit, then you can consider yourself a true sportsman.
- Killing someone because they killed someone else is an oxymoron
- The root of all evil isn’t the lust for money, but money itself. Try to think of a problem that doesn’t involve money in some way.
- Schools are not for teaching anything. They exist solely to pass on society’s beliefs and values to its children.
- The purpose of governments is to make your world safe for commerce
- Humans love to fool themselves with euphemisms in order to pretend they aren’t eating other animals – “beef’ for cow, “pork” for pigs, etc. this never fails to elicit gales of laughter from our beings.
- All wars are holy wars
- Some humans are concerned with the destruction of their environment and the concomitant extinction of other species. If these well-meaning people were more concerned with the individual beings involved, there would be no need to worry about the loss of species
- There will come a time when human beings of earth will be devastated by diseases that will make aids look like a runny nose

This above all else: to thine own world be true